A Mother's Love
by angiehodgins
Summary: Voyager encounters an anomaly they have seen before, two Voyager's in one place... but this time they don't replace crew members, they add. I have no beta for this so all grammar and spelling errors are my own. Replaced chap one! Hope you all enjoy the read. I have made a trailer for this story, please visit Krazylynzy on youtube to watch.
1. 1

Something had felt off about the area of space they have been entering. Everyone aboard Voyager could feel it, though none had said anything. They all hoped it was simply a feeling, something in the make of the planets they had passed.

Though when the parasitic spacefaring creatures had connected to hull of the ship, moving through the shields as though they were nothing, before they began to drain the power from their unwilling host. Everyone had realized they should've given their feelings more than just a passing thought.

Pacing the ready room, Captain Kathryn Janeway felt impatient. The senior crew had concocted a plan to electrify the hull of the ship enough to shock the creatures into removing themselves. Though if their plan failed they would barely have enough power to make it from this part of space, let alone play continued host.

"Engineering to Janeway," called out a voice over her comm badge, making her jerk with a start.

"Janeway here," she responded with a quick tap to the area above her left breast, "are we ready?"

"As ready as we can be," came her reply.

Turning she exited the ready room. Stepping onto the bridge she sent a quick glance to the crew there, "Harry," she called to the young man at the ops station, "Are you ready?"

"Ready Captain," called Harry.

"B'Elanna?" questioned Kathryn.

"I'm here," came the chief engineer's voice.

"On my mark than," said Kathryn as she came to a stop in front of her command chair, "three… Two… One… Mark."

At that the entire ship seemed to crackle with life as the energy passed over it. Everyone waited on bated breath.

"Harry?" called out Kathryn in question.

It took him a moment to respond, making his Captain look back to him, "They've dislodged from the hull," he finally reported, his tone one of relief.

Closing your eyes a moment Kathryn allowed her head to drop, her chin resting against her chest only an instant before the ship gave a shake, "Report!" She ordered, her head snapping up, her eyes wide.

"There seems to be another ship captain," reported Tuvok.

Brow furrowing Kathryn turned to look to the Vulcan, "Where?" She questioned.

There was a pause before Tuvok looked up, "Its current position is… Ours," he answered.

Kathryn couldn't stop her groan, why did these things always happen to her? With so many questions on the tip of her tongue she was cut short when Harry again spoke up.

"Captain, the… things. They're attaching themselves to the other ship… The other Voyager," he explained.

"Harry, open a channel if you can," she ordered, "B'Elanna, Tom, you two head to deck seven, see if you can't find a rift."

As the 'I captains' were called out Kathryn took a slow breath.

….

The lights flickered, sparks shooting into the smoke-filled air. Kathryn Janeway's hair was disheveled, her uniform dirty and torn. Pulling a hand across her sweaty forehead she jerked at the sound of the view screen activating at the head of the bridge.

Turning she eyed the static before glancing behind her, "Harry, where is this transmission coming from?" She questioned her voice hoarse from the smoke she breathed in.

Harry frowned a moment before he looked confused, "It says it's coming from us, only not us," he reported.

Kathryn let her eyes close. They'd been through this before, two voyages occupying the same space at the same time. Then they had been up against the Vadien's. Then the Voyager that had been boarded had been destroyed, leaving the other unscathed.

"Can you clear it up?" she questioned, her eyes locked on the screen before her.

As the screen began to clear she found herself holding her breath. When the voice finally erupted and the picture began to clear she felt tears pricking at her eyes. The her on the screen looked fine and she knew in that instant that her ship would be the one destroyed.

Standing straighter she looked at her other self," Captain…" She called, "I'd like to say it's nice to see you, only…" Trailing off she motioned around herself.

The well Kathryn nodded in understanding, "If our energy burst caused your damage… I can't even begin to apologize," she began.

"Then don't," stated the disheveled Kathryn, "are you being attacked by these… Whatever they are?"

"No," answered the well Kathryn, "My ship is low on power, but it and my crew are no worse for wear," pausing she stepped closer to the view screen "if you can, an energy burst along the hull should remove the threat."

The disheveled Kathryn shook her head sadly, "we don't have the power… My crew has taken several casualties."

"I'm sending my, Tom and B'Elanna over to you, they should appear on deck seven. They there to…" Before she could finish the signal was lost, "Harry," she called, "can you get her back?"

Shaking his head Harry was about to respond when the ship gave a sudden fierce shake. The strength managed to pitch Kathryn to the floor, nearly landing her under the pilot's chair. Next to her Chakotay was pitched forward as well, his head making a deafening crack against the guard railing in front of him.

Managing her feet Kathryn moved to Chakotay's side, "Report," she ordered as she began to check Chakotay over.

"More of those things," responded Harry, "they seem to be giving off energy now."

….

On the derelict Voyager it's Kathryn turning toward what was left of her bridge crew. She could tell they all knew what she was thinking. Tapping her comm she swallowed, "Janeway to sickbay. Doctor Report," she ordered.

"I'm sorry captain," came the Doctor's voice instantly, "there was nothing I could do… He's gone."

Fighting her body's urge to shut down Kathryn ended the connection, opening another instantly, "Janeway to Wildman. Sam, how's everyone?"

There was a moment of silence before the sound of children crying could be heard, "Shaken captain, but I believe everyone's fine," answered Samantha Wildman.

At this Kathryn looked as though at least a small burden had been lifted from her, "I'm on my way to you," she called before she exited the bridge, not bothering to hand command to any one person. As she moved down the corridor she took a slow breath, "Computer, begin recording," and its confirmation beep she began, "Hello, Kathryn. I need you to listen and listen carefully…" She began.

….

By the time, Tom and B'Elanna stumbled back to their ship through the rift, they couldn't help but feel as though they had said their final goodbyes to their captain, only she wasn't theirs.

Without a word between them they headed directly for sickbay. They didn't know how they would tell their captain about the two new crewmen that they had gained on the little excursion.

….

Standing in her quarters Kathryn looked around herself at the destruction before she took a shaky breath, opening a channel ship wide. "Janeway to all hands," she called out, her voice as still as she could manage. "I don't know how to tell you all this… But we have a situation. At present there are two voyagers occupying the same point of space and time. The other ship is undamaged, while we are currently being attacked by some form of spacefaring parasite..."

Fading off Kathryn gripped hands together, "It has been an honor serving with you all aboard this ship. But you know what we must do…" Fading off again she broke the connection before giving a choked sob, "computer, self-destruct sequence, Janeway pie 110."

"Self-destruct enabled," came the computers calm voice, "5 min. and counting."

….

The explosion of the other Voyager sent a wave through space. In her command chair Kathryn gave a nod to the helmsman, a silent message to make an escape from the area.

Once they were clear Kathryn stood, "Tuvok you have the bridge," she said as she headed for the turbo lift, "I'll be in sickbay."

As the turbo lift began to move a voice erupted over her comm, "Sickbay to Janeway."

"Janeway here," she responded, "Doctor, I'm on my way to you."

"In that case… Disregard this," said the Doctor quickly before closing the connection.

Frowning Kathryn wondered what the Doctor had wanted to tell her.

Stepping into sickbay her mind stopped for an instant. Chakotay sat on a bio bed, two light haired children sleeping in his arms, "What…" She began.

"Captain," called the Doctor, cutting her off, "I believe we should speak… in my office."

Allowing the Doctor to guide her away from the scene in front of her Kathryn frowned, "Explain please," she said simply once they were in the office.

"When B'Elanna and Tom came back through the rift they brought those children back with them," the doctor began to explain, "I've checked them over and they're perfectly healthy."

When he stopped Kathryn looked at him expectantly, "and?" She urged him on.

"Captain, those children… Biologically, they're yours and commander Chakotay's," said the Doctor finally.

Kathryn's throat closed over her voice. Her children? Looking back to Chakotay she took a slow shaky breath, "You're sure?" She asked.

"I checked it twice," confirmed the Doctor, "there's no doubt."

Letting out her breath in a whoosh Kathryn nodded, "So she… I… Sent them here before destroying the ship…"

Lifting a padd from his desk the Doctor handed it to her, "I think you should listen to this," he said simply. As she took it from him he quietly made himself scarce.

Staring at the padd a moment Kathryn took a deep breath before pressing the play button.

^ Hello, Kathryn. I need you to listen and listen carefully. I can't be sure of this, from the brief moments I was able to see you I noticed you weren't wearing a wedding band, so I hope… God I hope that on your ship my children… Our children don't exist. Their names are Kerin and Kyda and I need you to take care of them…^

There was a long pause and Kathryn began to think the message was over until she heard a choked sob, ^ Chakotay's dead… I have to destroy my ship so that yours may continue our journey. Just please take care of them, they're all I have left.^

As the message ended Kathryn felt her heart ache, she didn't know what she would do if she lost Chakotay. They may not have been together, but she counted on his being there more than she would ever admit.

Gathering herself she turned and re-entered sickbay. Quietly she watched Chakotay a moment. He gazed down at the children in his arms, a look of pure joy and contentment coloring his face. When he looked up, catching her watching his smile broadened, "Can you believe it?" He asked softly.

Shaking her head Kathryn stepped up to him, "Honestly… No," she breathed.

Smile dropping some Chakotay nodded, "I understand," he said, "but you're not in this alone. They're my children too, I'll be here to help you every step of the way."

"Not tonight," corrected Doctor, "I'd like to keep you, but the children have no reason to stay."

Looking to the Doctor Kathryn didn't try to contain her shock. A complaint was on the tip of her tongue, though as something touched her she looked down. A pair of blue eyes gazed up to her before the child held its arms out to her, "Kyda up mama."

Kathryn made no move to lift child, her gaze moving to Chakotay. She wasn't sure she could do this, "It's all right," eased Chakotay, "they don't bite."

Swallowing a lump in her throat Kathryn looked backed to the child, it still reached for her. Carefully she reached out and took the tiny form into her arms. Kyda instantly clung to her, laying her head against her shoulder. Kathryn could feel her tiny heart beating wildly and something about it made her nerves ease.

"If you'd like, captain," began the Doctor, gaining her attention, "we can keep them here for the night."

Kathryn was about to agree when Kyda heaved a deep sigh, "Night night, mama. Bed, want it."

How could she really leave these children… her children in sickbay? It wasn't what they were used to and their world had already been turned upside down. "I think," she began softly, "that I'll take them back to my quarters for the night."

Chakotay's smile returned fully. He'd been afraid Kathryn wouldn't want anything to do with these children. Though he'd hoped, beyond hope, that she could accept them as easily as he had. It may not have been easy for her, but at least she would try. "Are you sure you can handle them both by yourself?" He asked.

Kathryn shook her head, "No, but I can't ask anyone else to," she answered in all honesty, "I… I'm their mother."

Placing his holo admitter on his arm the Doctor rounded the bio bed, "Why don't I help you back to your quarters," he said as he placed the strap of a bag over his shoulder and lifted Kerin from Chakotay's lap.

….

Once the Doctor left, Kathryn found herself standing next to her bed watching the children sleep. With nowhere else for them she'd decided her bed would be best. Though now she was beginning to wonder where she would sleep.

As Kyda shifted in her sleep, rolling over the pillow Kathryn had placed next to her the sleeping arrangement was made. Kathryn couldn't risk one of them falling from the bed as they slept. Kicking off her boots she shed her command jacket and turtleneck before she climbed under the covers of the bed. Lying on her side next to Kyda she moved the pillow from between the children, carefully scooting Kerin closer to them. With an arm over both children Kathryn slowly began drift off to sleep.

…

The next morning as Kathryn woke she carefully stretched before reaching out for the children. As her arm made contact with an empty bed her eyes shot open and she gasped. Had they both fallen and not cried?

Her panic was cut short when she heard talking coming from the main living area. Kicking her feet off the bed she stood and went to investigate. Making it to the doorway she stopped at the site before her. Kyda sat at the table eating, while Chakotay held Kerin as he worked the replicator. Moving into the room she went unnoticed only a moment.

"Mama!" Cried Kerin as he began to squirm in Chakotay's arms, reaching for her.

Turning to her Chakotay smiled, "Good morning," he greeted.

"Morning," responded Kathryn as she reached out, taking Kerin into her arms, "what time is it?"

"A little after seven," answered Chakotay, "I didn't want to wake you so I let myself in and was spotted almost instantly."

"I wish you would've woken me," said Kathryn as she took a seat, "I thought they'd fallen off the bed when I woke up and they weren't there."

"I'm sorry," apologize Chakotay as he set Kerin's food in front of her, "Next time I'll be sure to wake you."

"There won't be in next time," corrected Kathryn. At Chakotay's look she gave a light smile, "I'll be getting them cribs today."

Chakotay's demeanor eased instantly, "I'll help you," he said simply. He thought she would say she wasn't interested in continuing her role as mother to the children. If she had he couldn't be sure what he would do, though her plan to better the sleeping arrangements put his nerves at ease.

Watching Chakotay Kathryn could see that he doubted her intentions, if only momentarily. Ready to question his trust in her, she was cut short when her lap was covered and what look to be oatmeal. Giving a shocked gasp she stood, knocking her chair over as she struggled to keep hold of a squirming Kerin.

Moving on auto Chakotay grabbed a small towel from the table, dropping to his knees in front of her he tried futilely to wipe the mess from her front. "I think I can get it all," he mumbled.

Shifting Kerin, Kathryn shook her head, "Don't bother," she sighed, "I needed to shower anyway. I guess I'll just have it a bit sooner than I thought."

Smiling now Chakotay stood, dropping the towel to the table. Reaching out he took Kerin into his arms, "Before you go," he said, catching Kathryn mid-turn, "have you thought about how we'll do with the parenting and commanding at the same time?"

Kathryn's shoulders sagged some, "Honestly, no," she replied, "but then I've been a little preoccupied with… All of this," pausing she sighed, "Could you think on it? I believe I'm beginning to harden here."

Chakotay could barely contain his laughter as Kathryn turned and headed for bathroom. Looking to the child in his arms he attempted to look firm, "Food is for eating young man," he tried to scold, "Not for dumping on your mama."

….

They had come to the agreement that they would attempt splitting the bridge duty so one of them could be with the children at all times. They would also delegate some bridge duty with the senior crew, giving them each more free time.

For the first day Kathryn took the morning duty while Chakotay took the evening, this left Kathryn with bath time, a fun new experience for her. The bathroom was soaked and she was sure she couldn't be wetter if she had climbed in with them.

She had manage to dry them both and get them into diapers before they had begun to use the main living area as a racetrack. Life with two 24-month-old's was anything but slow. Heaving a deep sigh Kathryn picked up the tiny pink nightclothes next to her, time to try her hand at dressing little ones, "Kyda," she called.

Strawberry blond curls whipped around as Kyda look to Kathryn, "Mama," she giggled.

Smiling Kathryn held up the clothes, "Come here and get dressed," she tried to order.

Instead of listening Kyda turned away, running off after her brother, "Mama, Mama, Mama," she giggled as she went. Soon Kerin joined in and Kathryn found herself painfully outnumbered.

Closing her eyes she sighed, she'd never had to deal with children on her own and she felt as though she were fish out of water. The sound of her door chime was music her ears. "Come," she called out as she opened her eyes and looked to the door.

Stepping into Kathryn's quarters Chakotay first saw her, drenched and looking completely beaten. Then he saw the children, running circles around the table. "Need a hand?" He asked.

"More like 20," corrected Kathryn, "I have to remember to thank my mother immensely for raising me once we get home."

Smiling he crossed the room, with ease he managed to scoop up one child under each arm, "Let's go you little demons," he chuckled, "time to get ready for bed."

"Bed, don't want it!" declared Kerin as he attempted to wiggle from the arm around his waist.

Handing Kyda off to Kathryn, Chakotay straightened Kerin in his arms, "Bed, have to have it," he declared. At this Kerin's bottom lip came out quivering, "oh don't give me that look," Sighed Chakotay as he took a seat on the couch, "I'm not being mean."

Nodding Kerin pushed against Chakotay chest, "Mean!" He said.

Watching Chakotay out of the corner of her eyes Kathryn managed to get Kyda's nightclothes on without much of a fight. Though Kerin was still only diaper clad. Turning a dressed Kyda loose Kathryn smiled to Chakotay, "You need a hand?" She asked.

Chakotay shook his head, "I refuse to be outsmarted by two-year-old," he declined. Standing he placed Kerin's feet into the foot holes of his sleep pants before he dropped him into them, making him squeal in delight, "See," he declared, "it's all about how you do it."

Nodding Kathryn watched as Chakotay proceeded to struggle in getting Kerin's shirt on, "I can see that," she chuckled. Reaching out she gave him a hand and in moments Kerin to was dressed for bed.

Leaning back on the couch Chakotay let out a sigh, "That was work," he said as he looked to Kathryn. The look on her face made him frown, "what?" He questioned.

"That was work?" Asked Kathryn, "you just dressed one child… And I helped, so technically you have dressed one half of a child."

Chakotay looked as though he would counter her, though he seemed to change his mind quickly, "True," he said simply, "but does it count for anything that I dressed them earlier today?"

Kathryn couldn't help but smile some, "Only marginally," she conceded, "Kyda's shirt was on backwards and Kerin still had what looked to be lunch on his chest."

Looking like a child caught cheating Chakotay pulled out his best defense, his dimples, "He wouldn't let me clean him," he said simply.

"Then how did you get the clothes on him?" questioned Kathryn.

"I promised to go to the holodeck," answered Chakotay defeated.

"That explains it!" laughed Kathryn, "Now make yourself useful and help me get them to bed."

Chakotay nodded, "Aye Captain!"


	2. 2

The days aboard Voyager with Kerin and Kyda began to fall into a relatively easy routine. Kathryn had found her stride, juggling her children and her crew, though the double duty was wearing on her. On this day Chakotay had taken the children to the holodeck for some playtime, leaving Kathryn alone in her quarters.

Kicking off her shoes she shed her clothing as she headed for her bathroom. She'd thought of going straight to bed after her shift, though when the thought of a hot, peaceful bath had accrued to her she couldn't pass it up. She hadn't had much time to think of late and she had always done some of her best thinking surrounded by mounds of fragrant bubbles.

Sinking into the steaming bathtub Kathryn gave a contented sigh. Closing her eyes she let her mind wander to all of the thoughts that had evaded her over her hectic days and nights. She thought about how her life had changed with the appearance of Kerin and Kyda, how she and Chakotay had begun to spend more time with each other.

Most everyday Chakotay showed up to help het the kids fed and dressed first thing in the morning. No matter if he was just getting off shift or just about to go on. He had went above and beyond to be there to support her and she could never really tell him just how much she really appreciated it, all of it.

Though beyond the changes in her relationship with Chakotay, nothing could compare to becoming an instant mother. She still floundered at times, not knowing just what to do. Like when Kerin had awoken with his first nightmare, she'd tried everything she could to try to ease his hiccupped cries. Though nothing had helped and she had found herself crying along with him in exhausted sadness.

Opening her eyes she sighed, at least Chakotay hadn't seen her in that moment of weakness. She didn't know what had gotten into her; she'd never been one to be soft and emotional, able to keep it all inside. But the love she had nearly instantly felt for her children was so overwhelming she was finding it hard to even keep her captain's mask in place while she was on duty.

The sound of her door opening drew a groan from her. They were back and that meant back to work. Pulling herself from the tub she dried herself before slipping on her robe and heading to the main living area. One step into the room and she was bombarded by four small arms wrapping around her legs. Looking down she couldn't help but smile at their happiness, "Did you guys have fun with daddy?" she asked.

Nodding they both quickly told he about long grass, flowers and a long bath with fish in it. Once they finished they released her to go and play with their toys. "I think that was a 'Yes mommy!'" chuckled Chakotay.

"I guess so," sighed Kathryn, "How about a cup of coffee while they wind down?"

"Sound's great," agreed Chakotay as Kathryn made her way to her replicator. Moving to the couch he gave a stretch before sitting, "Did you enjoy your quiet time?"

Making her way back to him Kathryn nodded, "Immensely," she responded, handing him a cup, "Nothing like a nice hot bath to ease the body and mind."

Chakotay smiled, "Good," he said, "I'm glad I could give you some time to yourself."

"And I thank you, oh so much," sighed Kathryn before she took a long drink of her coffee, "I really needed it."

At that they both fell quiet as they enjoyed their coffee and watched the children play. Soon though Kerin and Kyda began to yawn and rub at their eyes tiredly. "Looks like bath time," pointed out Chakotay, "I'll go run the water, why don't you get the munchkins undressed?"

Sitting her cup aside Kathryn nodded, "I think I can manage that," she agreed. As Chakotay made his way to the bathroom she lowered herself to the floor. Crawling over she tugged at the back of Kyda's shirt, "Bath time," she declared.

Giving a tired yawn Kyda turned a tired smile to Kathryn before raising her arms to have her shirt taken off. In only a couple of minutes both children were down to their diapers. When Chakotay returned he couldn't help but smile, Kathryn was on the floor next to the children leaned against the couch, completely out.

Moving across the room he held a finger to his lips as the children looked to him, "Shhh," he instructed, "Mommy's sleeping." Carefully he squatted and slid his hands under Kathryn, lifting her into his embrace. Straightening he paused as she shifted and gave a mumble. Though as a small snore escaped her he made his way to her bedroom and deposited her into her bed.

Returning to the main living area he held his hands out to the children, "Come on you two, let's have that bath."

….

Waking Kathryn gave a yawn and stretch before she slid from her bed. Crossing the room she made her customary check on the sleeping children before she made her way into the main living area. Pausing her movement she took a slow breath, the last thing she remembered was undressing Kerin and Kyda for their bath, then nothing. As she thought her door chime sounded, startling her, "Come," she called lightly.

Entering Kathryn's quarters Chakotay smiled, "Good morning," he greeted.

"Morning," responded Kathryn as she turned to look to him, "Could you clear something up for me?"

Frowning some Chakotay nodded, "I'll try," he responded.

"I remember getting the kids ready for their bath, and then… mind refreshing my memory?" she questioned.

At this Chakotay's frown dissipated into a smile, "When I came back from filling the tub the children were in their diapers," he began to explain, "You were leaned against the couch," pausing he could see Kathryn was waiting expectantly, "You were sleeping."

At his words Kathryn nodded slowly, it made sense, "So you roused me? Got me to go to bed?" she questioned.

"I didn't want to wake you," clarified Chakotay, "So I carried you."

This caught Kathryn off guard, he'd carried her? Her first instinct was to tell him he had been in the wrong, that it wasn't permitted that he care for her in such a way. Though her heart refused to allow her to, it pushed passed the protocols, the rules. Pulling herself from her inner battle she inclined her head ever so slightly, "Thank you," she said softly before turning toward her replicator, "Coffee?"

Frowning again Chakotay watched her go, "Coffee would be good," he called after her. He could tell that his admittance of carrying her to bed had not set well with her, though it seemed she had gone against her need to scold him. But for what? Insubordination or loving her?

As she returned she handed him his cup before turning to her desk, "What brings you over this morning?" she asked, "We both have the day free. I had thought you would want some quiet time."

"Quiet time was a good thing once," said Chakotay carefully, "But now, I'd rather spend my free time with Kerin and Kyda… and you."

Kathryn's hand froze over a stack of reports at Chakotay's words. Taking a slow breath she turned to him, "Chakotay," she said softly, "I'm glad your need to be with Kerin and Kyda is so strong. But, we can't be any more then we have been… I'm still the captain."

Nodding Chakotay understood where she was coming from. Protocol. She couldn't be expected to change herself at the appearance of the children, no matter how much he wanted her to. "I won't ask for more," he assured, "Is it a crime to want to spend time with my best friend?"

Shaking her head Kathryn wrapped both hands around her cup, "No, it's not," she responded, "As long as we're on the same page."

"Same page, line and word," agreed Chakotay, "Now that we've clarified that… I was thinking we all could spend some time on the holodeck today."

Leaning back against her desk Kathryn eyed Chakotay, "Mind telling me what program you intended?" she asked.

"I thought about Fairhaven, show Michael Sullivan up," giving a chuckle Chakotay gave a shake of his head at Kathryn's look, "But, I finally decided on an Indiana meadow with a playground and a picnic. Maybe a stream in a wooded area, we can catch newts."

Kathryn knew what he was doing, choosing a program he thought she couldn't refuse, That would be nice," she said softly, "But I have a good deal of work on my desk that needs to be done yesterday."

As Kathryn turned from him and rounded her desk Chakotay shook his head, "Oh, no," he said defiantly, "Did you not hear yourself say that today was not only my free day but yours as well?" When she turned a glare on him he didn't back down, "Don't argue with me on this Kathryn. You need some down time with Kerin and Kyda and you know it."

She did know that he was right, though she wasn't about to concede that point. Instead she heaved a halfhearted sight, "As long as I can get some work done now…" she began, "I should be able to take a break. Then back to my work."

Shoulder's slumping some Chakotay nodded, "Not what I was trying for, but alright," he sighed.

….

As she walked into the holodeck later that day the smell of flowers and the feel of the sun on her skin was so nice. She was actually glad Chakotay had played the guilt card to get her to go, even if just for a little while.

They had played with the children on the playground before having their picnic lunch. Then they had made their way to the stream Chakotay had programed in. By the time the children had begun to rub their eyes tiredly Kathryn realized they had been there for hours and she had never gotten back to her work.

"You tricked me Chakotay," sighed Kathryn as they carried the sleeping children into her quarters.

"How so?" questioned Chakotay as he followed her into her bedroom.

"You knew that time would escape me once I was having fun with the kids," she clarified as she laid Kyda into her crib.

Smiling some Chakotay laid Kerin in his crib before he followed her out to the main living area, "I had hoped," he began, "But I never expected such an outcome."

Sending him a slanted look Kathryn gave him a sly smile, "You are incorrigible," she sighed, "But sense you monopolized most of my day, I really need to get back to my work."

Watching her as she rounded her desk, Chakotay stifled a laugh as she tried to cover a yawn, "You think you'll be able to see straight?" he questioned.

"I'm fine," she dismissed absently.

"Yeah fine, but you're so tired I was wondering if I would have to carry you and the children back here," he chuckled. At Kathryn's frown he waved a hand in front of himself, "Not that I would have, I know your stand on that front."

Standing next to her chair Kathryn sighed, "Why do I get the feeling you're not going to leave me alone until I go to bed?" she asked.

"Because you're a very intuitive woman?" tried Chakotay with a smile, "Or because you know me to well."

Giving a chuckle Kathryn shook her head, "Alright, I relent," moving back around her desk she gave a stretch, "I'll go to bed as long as you promise me one thing."

"Oh, what's that?" questioned Chakotay intrigued.

"You don't show up her so early in the morning. If the kids sleep I'd like a little extra myself," explained Kathryn.

At this Chakotay grinned, "I can do that. How about lunch? After my shift, before yours."

"Sounds good," agreed Kathryn, "Now get out of here so I can go to bed."

"Aye, Captain," chuckled Chakotay as he headed for the door, "Good night Kathryn."

Giving him a nod Kathryn waited for the door to close behind him before she sighed, "Good night, Chakotay."

….

Kathryn's comm badge burst to life at only six in the morning making her groan, "Bridge to Janeway," called out Chakotay's voice.

"Janeway here," called back Kathryn as she scooped up her comm, "What's the matter?"

"A couple of Kazon ships are in pursuit of us," answered Chakotay quickly, "Their weapons are powered."

"I'm on my way," called Kathryn as she kicked her feet from her bed.

"No," barked Chakotay, "They won't be swayed and I can give orders as well as you. Stay with the children, keep them safe."

Kathryn was on the verge of ordering Chakotay to report to her quarters to care for the children, though as she looked to them she spotted two sets of startled blue eyes. "Alright," she relented, "Chakotay, get us out of this."

"Aye captain," called Chakotay before he cut the comm line.

Standing as the ship gave its first shake Kathryn steadied herself on the bulkhead a moment before she continued across the room. Lifting the children into her arms she moved into the main living area settling on the floor near the couch, away from anything that could blow.

….

As the last Kazon ship burst into a fiery ball Chakotay headed the bridge over to Tuvok before he hurried to Kathryn's quarters. As the door opened he couldn't stop the gasp that left him. A ceiling beam had fallen and the main living area looked like a battle zone. "Kathryn!" he shouted as he rushed in.

"Here," called Kathryn's voice from behind the beam.

Rushing over Chakotay moved a table and chair, clearing a path. Kathryn lay on the floor, her battered body curled around the children. "Let me help," he insisted as he reached out, taking a sniffling Kyda into his arms.

Shifting herself as Chakotay turned Kathryn pulled Kerin into her arms. As her conciseness became aware of how listless the tiny body was held against hers she looked down. Kerin's eyes were closed a bloody gash at the top of his forehead. "Chakotay," she cried, "Emergency transport!"

"The transporters are down," said Chakotay as he turned back toward her, "What's the…"

Before he could finish Kathryn rushed past him, "Move!" she cried.

Chakotay only managed a glimpse of Kerin's limp body as she passed before he tore off after her.

A/N: Sorry about the cliffy here, but I wanted to get this chappy out. I hope to have the next to you in a timely manner… {fingers crossed} So how am I doing? Good so far? Could I change anything? Maybe there's something I should add… Comment and I will try to post faster! Lol, bribery, Mwahahaha!


	3. 3

Kathryn had never felt panic as strongly as she did as she ran as fast as she could to sickbay, clinging Kerin tightly to her chest. Not when she'd been in the shuttle accident with her father and Justin, Not when she'd been captured by the Cardassians and not at any point in time sense. But now it weld up in her, breaking free of the damn she'd built. By the time she reached sickbay she was hyperventilating as she laid her son's tiny body on a bio bed.

Only steps behind Kathryn Chakotay handed Kyda off to a well bodied crewman, instructing them to take her into the Doctor's office. Turning to Kathryn he was just in time to catch her before she collapsed to the floor, her hyperventilating denying her body of oxygen until she passed out. Scooping her into his arms easily he placed her on an empty bio bed. Brushing a stray hair from her face he swallowed before he turned to the Doctor, "Well?" he asked.

"He's only unconscious commander," answered the Doctor as he continued his work, "He took a good bump to the head but he'll be fine."

Letting out a breath in a whoosh of air Chakotay nodded," Thank you Doctor," he breathed. Running a hand through his hair his eyes shifted from Kerin to Kathryn and back. He'd never seen her panic before, but that was the only word he could use for her actions when she had found Kerin hurt.

As a cry rang out his head snapped in that direction to find Kyda fighting against the crewman that held her, "Daddy!" she wailed.

Moving quickly he entered the Doctor's office, taking her into his arms and holding her tightly against his chest, "Shhh," he eased, "Daddy's here."

….

Waking Kathryn's head floated as she became aware. She remembered the attack and the ceiling beam falling. As her mind flashed to her run to sickbay her eyes snapped opened, "Kerin!" she gasped as she pushed herself up to lean ion her elbows.

"Take it easy," instructed Chakotay as he rested a hand on Kathryn's arm, "We don't need you passing out again."

"But Kerin…" she exclaimed as she turned startled eyes to him.

"He's fine," assured Chakotay. At Kathryn's look he helped her to sit up, "See," he declared as he pointed in front of them.

Following Chakotay's finger her eyes landed on Kyda and Kerin playing on the floor. Letting out a deep breath she dropped back onto the bio bed. Kerin was fine, he was going to be alright. If his injury had been worse she didn't know what she would do. "Oh, Chakotay," she breathed, "I'm a horrible mother."

"No, you're not," insisted Chakotay.

"I was supposed to protect him and I failed," countered Kathryn.

"How did you fail?" questioned Chakotay, "He's fine."

"But he was hurt!"

"And you got him to sickbay the fastest way you could," said Chakotay with a frown, "Kathryn, if you hadn't thought as quickly as you did, who knows what could have happened."

Closing her eyes Kathryn let out a choked sigh, "If I had covered him properly he wouldn't have been hurt in the first place," insisted Kathryn.

Reaching out Chakotay placed a gentle hand to the side of Kathryn's face, ""You're only human Kathryn," he eased, "No one's perfect. But what really counts is that because of you Kerin is fine right now, sitting down there playing with his sister."

"If it wasn't for me he'd never have…" began Kathryn.

"Hey!" exclaimed Chakotay, stopping her words, "I don't want to hear it. You cannot blame yourself and I won't let you."

Looking to Chakotay Kathryn couldn't stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks for the life of her. She didn't know what it was, he worry for Kerin or Chakotay's constant, steadfast insistence. Whatever it was she couldn't stop it any more then she could stop every hostile alien in the Delta quadrant.

Giving a sigh Chakotay practically lifted her from the bio bed, holding her close as she cried. When she didn't pull away he rested his lips atop her head, "It's all going to be alright," he murmured, "Everyone's fine."

….

Kathryn had had to change courters sense hers were in shambles. Chakotay had talked her into moving into one of the few empty family courters available. This meant Kerin and Kyda got their own room and Kathryn got a bigger bed. It was all so nice Kathryn wasn't sure she wanted to go back to her captain's courters.

As he door chime sounded she glanced over her shoulder as she picked up the children's toys, "Come she called.

Entering Kathryn's courters Chakotay carried a large box, "Cleaning up after the tornados," he observed, "need a hand?"

"Naw," dismissed Kathryn as she deposited the last of the stray toys into the toy box, "I'm done." Turning she pointed to the box in Chakotay's arms, "What's that?" she asked.

Setting the box on the coffee table Chakotay smiled, "It's what could be scrounged together from your courters… old courters," he explained, "Everything that wasn't clothes and wasn't destroyed is in this box."

"You took that time to gather it all?" she questioned as she reached into the box, pulling out a couple of books she had given up for gone.

"Actually the crewmen fixing the courters collected it as they worked," corrected Chakotay as he watched Kathryn pull two slim white book from the box, "What are those?" he asked.

"Baby books," responded Kathryn, "They were in the bag B'Elanna and Tom brought with the children."

At this Chakotay frowned, "Why haven't you shown me these?" he questioned.

"I haven't thought about them," answered Kathryn evenly as she sat down on her couch, "To be perfectly honest, I haven't even looked inside of them."

"Why's that?" asked Chakotay as he took a seat next to her.

"Seeing yourself is one thing," breathed Kathryn, "But, I'm sure there are pictures inside. Pictures of the other us…"

As her word faded Chakotay took one of the books from her. Mutely he opened it and looked to the picture on the first page. She had been right, staring back at him were their smiling faces as they held their two tiny infants. Under the picture was Kathryn's handwriting, "Kerin Amal Janeway," he read aloud, "Amal… I like that."

Taking a breath Kathryn opened the book she still held, inside was the same picture, "Kyda Marie Janeway," she read, "Marie is my mother's middle name and my sisters."

At this Chakotay smiled, "We picked some middle names that really meant something," he said lightly. Turning the pages he took in the information in front of him, "It looks like you were the one to keep these up to date."

Nodding Kathryn couldn't disagree, her handwriting adorned every page, "Well, the other me," she corrected.

"Still you," pointed out Chakotay.

"Yeah, well," sighed Kathryn as she closed the book, "It doesn't feel that way. She did what I simply can't. She started a family."

"Then she entrusted you with her most precious belongings," said Chakotay as he set the book he held aside, "Does that bother you?"

Taking a slow breath Kathryn shook her head as she stood, putting some distance between them, "Why should it bother me? I'd like to think if I was in the same situation I would do the same."

Watching her as she began to pace, Chakotay leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, "Why do I get the feeling you're not sure of that?" he asked.

Stopping Kathryn looked back to him, "Could you stay in your own head please?" she asked on a sigh.

"Sorry, habit," apologized Chakotay "You just look a bit… lost."

"I'm not lost," countered Kathryn, "Just a bit… misplaced. I mean it's all too easy to love them. It's just, every time I think I can't do anything but be their mother I remember that they shouldn't even exist here."

Standing Chakotay crossed to her, intent on taking her into his arms, though as she stepped back he sighed, "But they are here, so when you think you can't be anything but their mother… stick with that and leave it there." He eased.

Nodding Kathryn heaved a deep breath, "you're right," she said softly, "I'll try to remember that. But if you don't mind, I think I'll turn in for the night. I have early duty tomorrow."

"Good night," he said simply before he exited the courters.

With him gone Kathryn looked back to the book in her hand only a moment before she tossed it to the couch, "Computer, turn off lights," she called as she headed for bed.

….

Before anyone knew it Kerin and Kyda had been onboard for nearly a year and according to their baby books their birthday was only four days away. Chakotay had already replicated them both a present ant without Kathryn's knowledge he'd been speaking with Neelix, Naomi and several other crewmen about putting together a birthday party in the holo deck.

Chakotay wasn't sure what Kathryn's reaction would be to a party, though he hoped she wouldn't throw him in the brig for going behind her back. Coming to a stop at her courters door he took a steadying breath before he pressed the chime. As the doors opened he couldn't help but smile at the sounds coming from inside, Kerin and Kyda had a chorus of 'Come' going on as they chased after on another. "Soon they'll be opening the door for everyone by the sound of it," he chuckled.

Kathryn nodded for her place at her desk, "I've already set it so the computer doesn't recognize their voice commands for the door," she said, "so how was your shift?"

"Mind numbingly boring," responded Chakotay as he stopped next to her desk, "I actually have a question for you."

"Setting the padd in her hand down Kathryn looked up to him, "What is it?" she questioned.

"Well, the kid's birthday is coming up," began Chakotay, "I was wondering, how would you feel about a party?"

Kathryn stared at him mutely for a moment before she crossed her arms, "Are you asking because you want me to okay it or because you already planned it?" she countered.

Caught off guard Chakotay took a deep breath, "Which will get me into less trouble?" he asked.

At this Kathryn chuckled, "Neither," she said, "Don't you know that if you want to keep something form the Captain, you don't tell her very excitable five year old assistant?"

Chakotay could have kicked himself, "Well I guess I'll have to have a talk with said assistant about the meaning of a pinky promise," he said earnestly, "So, about that party?"

"How could I say no?" asked Kathryn, "As long as it doesn't interfere with the running of the ship, then it's a go."

"Great!" exclaimed Chakotay, "Four days, holo deck two at five o'clock. Now I've got to have a pow wow with the guests of honor."

Watching Kathryn leaned back in her chair as Chakotay wrangled the children into sitting with him on the floor. As they began to talk animatedly she couldn't help but smile at how much of an attentive father he was, the children absolutely adored him. Though as her mind drifted to the impending birthday she cursed under her breath, she hadn't gotten them anything.

Standing she cleared her throat, "As long as you have them there's something I completely forgot to do," she said, "It won't take me long."

"That's fine," agreed Chakotay, "Take all the time you need."

Nodding Kathryn exited the courters, she had to find the one person that would know what a tree year old would like. She had to find Naomi.


	4. 4

Entering holo deck two Kathryn smiled as the synthetic sun hit her skin. Before her was the same Indiana meadow program Chakotay had used before, "Look," she said to Kerin and Kyda, "There's daddy." As the words left her lips they took off squealing in joy.

Hearing the children running toward him, Chakotay turned with a grin, "There they are!" he declared as he knelt and scooped them both into his arms, "Happy birthday!"

"Cake daddy!" declared Kerin.

"Cake!" agreed Kyda.

"Later we'll have cake," said Chakotay as he sat them both back down to the ground, "First, why don't you go over there and see what Naomi's got."

As they again ran off squealing Kathryn came to a stop next to Chakotay, "This reminds me of birthdays I had when I was a child," she said in greeting, "It's nice."

"I'm glad you like it," beamed Chakotay, "I thought it would be good to keep them as accustomed to earth as possible."

Nodding Kathryn smiled and held up the two presents in her hands, "Do you have somewhere specific for these?" she questioned.

"Of course, let me take them," said Chakotay as he took the gifts, "Why don't you go talk to everyone? Maybe see what the kids are up to?"

"Sounds like a plan," agreed Kathryn as she turned from him and headed toward the mass of people who stood near the children, "Hey, who exactly is flying my ship? And keeping it flying for that matter?" she called as she neared.

Turning B'Elanna and Tom both smiled to her, "I have an engineering team for just this reason," chuckled B'Elanna.

"And I left a monkey in charge," laughed Tom whole heartedly.

Returning their laughter Kathryn nodded, "I thought having a monkey in charge was what I did when I left you flying," she joked.

At Tom's hurt look B'Elanna grinned, "That sounds about right!" she declared.

Clutching his chest Tom faked a wound, "Oh, that hurt," he said animatedly.

Smiling Kathryn shook her head, "So, how's the party?" she asked.

"Fun!" piped up Harry, "There's food that's edible and games. Then Cake!"

"My mom helped uncle Neelix with the cake," put in Naomi as she looked up to her captain, "I helped pick some games…" fading off she looked thoughtful, I'm going to go ask the commander when we can play the game called duck, duck, goose. It sounds like fun!"

As the small sprite ran off to do so Kathryn again chuckled, "Looks like we're in full party swing now!"

….

When the party finally came to an end and everyone found themselves standing in a bare holo deck instead of a meadow, Kathryn and Chakotay immersed themselves in the crowed, saying goodbye and allowing everyone to wish Kerin and Kyda a happy birthday one last time.

Though as the ship gave a fierce shake several crewman found themselves knocked from their feet. Managing to keep his footing and Kerin's, Chakotay looked across the room to find Kathryn on the floor. Without a word he crossed to her, helping her to her feet as B'Elanna lifted a dazed Kyda into her arms.

Giving a nod of appreciation Kathryn slapped her comm badge, "Report!" she barked off.

"Unknown hostiles," reported Tuvok evenly, "Several ships just de-cloaked on our starboard side."

"I'm on my way," said Kathryn as she spotted Samantha Wildman, "Sam, could you take the children back to your courters?" she asked.

At Sam's nod Chakotay lifted Kerin before he took Kyda from B'Elanna, "I'll help her, then I'll meet you," he said.

Nodding Kathryn watched them go before taking a breath, "Alright everyone, party's over, back to your stations." As everyone scrambled to leave she headed for the bridge, Tom and Harry on her heels.

"Captain," said Tuvok once she stepped from the turbo lift, "Would you like me to attempt to hail them?"

"Yes," she responded easily as she moved to stand in front of her command chair, "Put it on screen."

Doing as he was ordered Tuvok managed to make contact with one of the alien vessels. As the alien's distorted face filled the screen he snarled, "You have crossed the line of war and will now be destroyed."

"I am very sorry," spoke up Kathryn, "We had no knowledge that we were in danger of crossing a line of war."

"All know this!" snapped the alien.

"We're not from around here," attempted Kathryn, "If you will cease fire we will leave peacefully."

"There is no peace in war!" shouted the alien as the screen went black.

"Well he was certainly understanding," said Tom sarcastically.

"Evasive maneuvers, try to get us out of here," ordered Kathryn as she fell back into her command chair, "Return fire!"

The ship rocked under Chakotay's feet as he made it to the bridge, "Who are they? What do they want?" he questioned as he stepped from the turbo lift.

"Don't know, but they want us dead," responded Kathryn, "Check the nacelle power, B'Elanna's got her hands full."

Being thrown against the engineering panel Chakotay grunted and tried to regain his footing as sparks began to fall from the ceiling, "Starboard nacelle down to twenty percent," he reported.

"Tom!" shouted Kathryn as she clung to the arms of her command chair.

"I've got it!" shouted back Tom as his fingers flew over the helm.

Turning to her center panel Kathryn jerked back when it burst, shooting out sparks, she narrowly missed having her hair singed off, "Chakotay!" she called, "There's a power surge in that panel."

As she indicated the panel he was using he nodded, "Just one more second, I think I can get that nacelle back up to ninety-five percent," he called back.

Shaking her head Kathryn stood, "No, move away from it!" she ordered as she moved toward him.

The ship lurched, throwing Kathryn into a guard rail before she fell harshly to the floor. She could only watch helplessly as Chakotay's panel exploded, throwing him back to the floor. Managing her hands and knees she began to crawl in his direction, though a sound above her had her looing up in time to see a ceiling beam falling. ^Not again,^ was all she managed to think before her world went black.

….

Groaning Kathryn opened her eyes to a smoke filled bridge. Taking a slow steadying breath she carefully pulled herself out from under the half fallen ceiling beam. Once she was free she pushed herself up into a sitting position, scanning the dark area around her, "Report," she coughed.

"The ships have been destroyed," reported Tuvok as he regained his footing, "Several other ships appeared on our aft side, engaging them."

Pulling himself back into his chair Tom's hands flew over the helm, "Looks like they helped out and left just as quickly," he called.

Nodding Kathryn brushed her hair from her face, spotting Chakotay's prone form, "Oh, no," she breathed as she crawled to his side, "Chakotay," she called, "What's the condition of the transporters?" she shouted.

"Off line," reported Tuvok.

Moving her hands over his body Kathryn checked for a pulse, letting out a held breath when she found one, "Someone get me a med kit!" she called out, "Now!"

Scrambling Tom retrieved the med kit at the base of the helm, making his way to his captain's side. Opening the med kit he produced a medical tricorder, scanning Chakotay, "Sever burns, broken collar bone and…"

When he faded off Kathryn looked to him as he dropped the tricorder, picking up a hypospray, "And?" she questioned.

"A fractured skull," responded Tom as he began to do what he could, "Someone needs to get those transporters back online!"

Pushing herself to her feet Kathryn stumbled as she made it to the engineering panel. Attempting to do what she could she slapped her comm badge, "Janeway to engineering," she called, "we need transporters before anything else."

There was a long pause as in engineering B'Elanna scrambled to the appropriate panel, "The main circuit is fried!" called back B'Elanna, "I need five minutes."

"Chakotay doesn't have five minutes!" countered Kathryn, panic creeping into her voice, "We need them now!"

Breath hitched B'Elanna literally ran across engineering, "Shut down the phazer array!" she shouted as she went, "I need that connection!" As he orders were followed she slammed down a lever and pounded her fingers across a panel, "Transporters online!" she finally reported.

Head snapping around Kathryn looked to Tuvok, "Do it!" she ordered. In seconds she, Chakotay and Tom disappeared.

….

In sickbay Kathryn was slumped in the Doctor's chair, Kerin and Kyda sleeping against her chest. When the Doctor entered her head snapped up, "How is he?" she asked on a whisper.

"He's stable," responded the Doctor, "The burns and broken bones have been healed."

Turning her head Kathryn looked into the main area, to Chakotay's still prone form, "Why isn't he up?" she questioned. Every other crewman that had come in looking like her first officer had been fixed up and sent on their way already.

The Doctor was silent a moment until she looked back to him, "I can't wake him up," he said simply.

Frowning Kathryn looked skeptical, "You mean you don't want to wake him yet?" she asked.

"No," sighed the Doctor, "I mean he's in a coma, I cannot wake him, I've tried," When Kathryn's head bobbed some he stepped closer to her, "Captain, this only means his body needs time to heal itself. The damage to his brain the fracture caused… some of it was beyond me. If it's going to heal it's up to him."

Taking a slow breath Kathryn gave a light nod, "I need to get these two to bed," she said softly as she struggled to stand. She couldn't stay here, for her sanity she had to keep things as normal as possible.

"Hold on," instructed the Doctor, "I'll get someone to help you."

Kathryn could only nod as she remained where she was. When she finally got to her courters and the children into their beds she sank down into her favorite chair. Of all the emotions she'd been overwhelmed with sense the children had arrived, what she felt now scared her the most.

She'd been in this place before, Chakotay lying in sickbay, though there had always been something the Doctor or the crew and she could do to make him better. But now, she was just so helpless, unable to do a single thing to make him do what she wanted him to do the most. She just wanted him to wake up.

Taking a deep breath she pulled her legs up, hugging them to her chest. Helpless female wasn't her thing, but with all the things changing in her life she found herself stepping into that role to often. She was the captain; she was supposed to be strong and sure of herself, though she didn't feel that way. Instead she felt weak and completely lost.

As her tears began to fall she buried her head in her legs, trying to hide the wetness on her cheeks from even herself.


	5. 5

AN/ Typed this up as soon as I was finished! Enjoy the read!

As the days passed with Chakotay still in sickbay, Kathryn found herself in a seemingly endless solemn mood. Every day she checked in on him whenever she had a free moment and she was extremely glad for Sam, who was happily put on child care duty. Though she longed to have Chakotay back in commission, not only to have help with the children, she wanted her best friend back.

At night she sat in her main living area, her mind never fully on what she needed to do as it continually defied her by going back to the man lying in sickbay. This night was no different as she sat behind her desk, a report held in her hand. Looking to the words in front of her she sighed before she dropped the padd to her desk, she'd read the same line a handful of times and she knew she wasn't getting anywhere.

When her door chime sounded she frowned, who could possibly be stopping by at twenty-three hundred hours? "Come," she finally called out. When the door opened she was a bit put off by the person that entered, "B'Elanna, what brings you by?" she asked.

Turning toward her captain's voice, B'Elanna smiled, "Do I need a reason to stop by?" she asked.

Pulling a face Kathryn nodded, "Normally when a crewman comes to my quarters at eleven in the evening there's something that needs my attention," clarified Kathryn, "Plus there is the fact that you aren't the social type."

Giving a chuckle B'Elanna nodded, "True," she agreed, "How about I just put this out there?"

"If you didn't you would not be you," agreed Kathryn.

Leaning a hit against Kathryn's desk B'Elanna crossed her arms, "The crews getting worried about you," she said simply, "I was the only one brave enough to come, so… how are you doing? You know with, everything?"

Leaning back in her chair Kathryn gave a sigh, "I'm good, I have a routine and it's keeping me busy," she admitted easily.

"Too busy," said B'Elanna, "That's the problem, you're running yourself ragged, and don't try to ignore it."

Eyeing B'Elanna a moment Kathryn was speechless, "B'Elanna," she finally breathed out, "I'm the captain of an intrepid class starship and the mother of not one but two young children. I think I'm bound to be worn out."

"I understand," agreed B'Elanna, "But you know we're all here for you, "We can take more work, to lighten your load."

"That's sound's good," sighed Kathryn, she was really starting to get tired.

Suddenly Tom's voice burst out over her comm badge, "Paris to Janeway," he called, "Medical emergency in sickbay!"

Kathryn's eyes went wide, when they darted to her B'Elanna dropped her arms, "Go," she said simply.

Without a word Kathryn pushed to her feet and ran from her courters in nothing but her night gown. As she entered sickbay her breath caught, the sound of shrill alarms greeting her, stopping her in her tracks. The Doctor and Tom were rushing around Chakotay, talking quickly back and forth so fast she couldn't understand them. But as on long uninterrupted line of sound was emitted she was adamant her heart would stop as she crumpled to the floor.

Her lungs felt as though they were being squeezed, she couldn't pull in a breath, no matter how hard she tried. How would she run this ship without him? How would she raise Kerin and Kyda alone? As the alarm ended she looked up, her breath rushing into her lungs as air rushed into his. He was breathing again, she could clearly see his chest rising and falling.

In that instance she realized that no matted how far she kept him, it would never diminish the pain she would feel if she ever really lost him. She loved the man beyond words and she understood she couldn't go on denying her feelings. She could have something more… something better. If only she knew how.

Turning the Doctors eyes widened at the sight of Kathryn on the floor, not two steps from the door, "Oh my, captain!" he called as he rushed to her side. Expertly running his scanner over her body he frowned, "Captain, I believe you'll want to lie back."

Kathryn could only frown before her eyes rolled back and her body went limp, falling completely to the floor.

….

Waking Kathryn groaned and rubbed her forehead against the headache there. "How are you feeling, captain?" questioned the Doctor's voice.

Opening her eyes Kathryn looked to the holographic man standing beside her, "I'm fine," he said softly, "Now, what happened?"

"Your body was flooded with endorphins," the Doctor began to explain, "It seems as though the virus yourself and the commander contracted has…transformed. Captain, you both seem to be connected… When the commanders heart stopped… I believe yours came very close to stopping as well."

Frowning Kathryn pushed herself up into the sitting position, "Are you telling me, that if one of us die… we both do?" she asked breathily.

"Not at all," countered the Doctor, "I need to do more tests but I do not believe you are connected in that sense."

Nodding Kathryn's eyes drifted from the Doctor to Chakotay lying behind him, "How is he?" she questioned.

"He's fine, he's been awake for an hour or so," responded the Doctor, "If you have to get up, please take it slow."

Again Kathryn nodded as she slid her feet from the bio bed. Her legs felt shaky but she steeled herself as she crossed to Chakotay. "Hey," she called lightly as she rested a tentative hand on his chest, "How are you feeling?"

Sighing Chakotay looked to her, "Like I've had a long nap," he said, "How about you? You scared me. I woke up and you were lying on a bio bed, the Doctor wouldn't let me up.

"I'm fine and I'm glad he made you stay put," breathed Kathryn, "You've been in a coma and we don't want anything setting you back in any way."

Letting out a breath of defeat Chakotay placed a hand over hers on his chest, "I know," he finally said softly, "They said I was out for just over a week…"

"Yes," affirmed Kathryn, "The longest week of my life."

"I'm sorry," apologized Chakotay, he could see a lingering pain in her eyes, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Breath catching Kathryn shook her head, "You didn't hurt me," she assured, "Just don't do that to me ever again."

"What?" questioned Chakotay.

"Die," said Kathryn simply, "I don't think I can take it."

"The side effects of the virus?"

"No, even the simple thought of losing you," she whispered, "I think that hurt worse than anything the virus did."

Chakotay nodded, "I guess it's a good thing I don't plan to die for a very long time."

Giving a light smile Kathryn nodded, "Yes, that's a goo thing."

….

Chakotay got back to his feet only a day after waking and the crew began to fall back into their routines. Kathryn struggled with herself daily, admitting her love to herself was one thing, but she couldn't seem to let the man of her affections in on it and her internal fight was beginning to give her horrible headaches every evening.

This night her headache pushed down into her neck and shoulders, causing her more pain then she had had with one before. Leaning against her table she tried to ride out the pain, her breaths coming in short gasps because deeper ones hurt too much.

"What's wrong?" questioned Chakotay as he entered the main living area from the children's room. Kathryn shook her head because that was all she could manage, "Try to relax," he eased as his hands suddenly rested on her shoulders. Moving slowly his fingers probed until he found the tight cluster of muscles at the base of her skull.

"Don't…"

But he had already started kneading the area, the pain increasing a moment before it eased, his touch like liquid fire, melting the tension.

Melting Kathryn.

She shivered, tried to move away.

"Let me finish, if I don't the muscles will seize again," he said, his gruff voice raking along her nerves, bringing them all to attention and she knew she was close to falling, she wasn't sure she was even standing on the edge.

She shifted again, trying to move away from his touch, "Chakotay…" turning she came face to chest with him. Looking up into his dark chocolate eyes found herself caught in the heat of his gaze. Her heart jumped, her pulse leaped and her hands itched to touch his razor-stubble-covered jaw. Clenching her hands into fists she stepped back, bumping into her table.

"Careful," he said, his hands cupping her waist and staying there.

She couldn't spend another minute here with him and his magical hands, "I've got reports to finish," she said lightly.

"I can think of a better use of your time." His gaze dropped to her lips and something unfurled inside of Kathryn, begged her to lean just a little closer, stretch up on her toes and do something much more interesting then reports.

"Chakotay…"

"What are you afraid of Kathryn? Me?" he asked, his fingers trailing up her arm, ending in the hollow of her throat, measuring her fear in the frantic beating of her heart.

But it wasn't fear. It was all the things she had finally, finally given up on.

Love.

Forever.

Happiness in the arms of someone who loved her.

Shaking her head she did the only thing she could think to do, she moved quickly away from him.

Chakotay turned to her, "You're running away," he said, his body humming with a need he couldn't give into, his hands itching to smooth the frown line between her brows, touch the line of her jaw, and cup the silky smooth skin of her neck.

"And?"

"You don't have to. I'm not going to take anything you're not willing to give," he responded, forcing his voice to remain light, his breathing even.

"That's the problem, Chakotay. I want to give it." She brushed a lock of hair from her cheek, her hand shaking, her eyes shadowed.

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"Everything," she breathed, "Nothing. I don't know." Shaking her head she rubbed her forehead, "I think I need to go to bed."

"No," said Chakotay as he crossed to her, "We need to talk Kathryn."

Sighing in defeat Kathryn gave a single nod, "Alright." Turning she moved to her couch and sat, "What are we talking about? My inability to commit or your persistence?"

"Both," responded Chakotay, "I try not to push you, but it's so hard. You have to tell me what you want and I'll do everything in my power to get it for you."

"I wish you could," sighed Kathryn, "It's only, I know what I want. It's just; I have to give it to myself."

Chakotay nodded, "Why don't you?" he asked lightly.

Looking to him she said nothing as she carefully leaned in, her lips brushing lightly against his in their first kiss. As she pulled back the look in his eyes had her re-thinking her actions, "Sorry," she said softly.

"Don't be," said Chakotay as he found his voice, "Only, what was that?"

Swallowing Kathryn gave a shrug, "I was, just giving myself what I want," she finally whispered.

This struck Chakotay speechless for a moment. He questioned her as to why she didn't give herself what she wanted, and then she had kissed him. That meant, "You want me?" he asked.

"No," whispered Kathryn, "I love you."

He could barely hear her, but he was sure he had heard her correctly, "Did you just…" fading off he could see she looked unsure, scared even, "… I love you, too," he finally said, "But, you're not going to pull away from this… from us. Are you?"

"I don't want to," responded Kathryn, "But it's up to you to make sure that I don't."

Smiling Chakotay nodded, "I can do that." Reaching out he gently brushed a finger along her jaw, "but, do you think I could…" pausing he ran a thumb over her lips, "…Kiss you proper?"

Not trusting her voice Kathryn nodded. Chakotay's fingers entwined in her hair as he leaned forward, pressing his lips firmly to hers. She felt like a drowning person inhaling her first breath of sweet air. Her body melting into him as the kiss went on.

Once she finally managed to pull back for air she placed a hand to his chest, the other resting on the side of his neck, "Stop," she panted, "we can't take this any further…" she faded off, the look in his eyes making her go on, "… I mean right now. Chakotay, I will tell you that was the most amazing kiss I have ever received…"

"But?" questioned Chakotay as she faded off once more.

"There's no but," assured Kathryn, "It's a just… I would just like to take this… a bit slower."

At this Chakotay smiled, extracting his hand from her hair, trailing his fingers down her cheek and over her kiss swelled lips, "I understand," he said softly, "And like I said before, I'm not going to take what you don't want to give."

"And that's why I love you," sighed Kathryn before she gave him a quick kiss, "But I really do need to get to those reports."

As she clamored from his embrace Chakotay chuckled, "That's my Kathryn, forever doing reports."

"As it should be," agreed Kathryn as she dropped down into her desk chair, "As is the captain's job. Now a good commander would get the fore said commanding officer a cup of coffee, before pulling up a chair and giving her a hand."

At her eyebrow raise and sly side smile Chakotay grinned, "Aye, captain!"

AN/ Now what can I do with the virus connection? Any ideas? Hope you all liked the way Kathryn confessed her lover, let me know what you think {hint, hint} ;-p


	6. 6

After they had completed a large amount of the reports Chakotay had bid Kathryn good night with a kiss before he had headed off to bed. Standing in her main living area Kathryn touched her tingling lips, wondering if the reaction to his kiss would ever end. Giving a sigh she decided she hoped that it never would as she headed to her bedroom.

….

Chakotay knew he was dreaming when he found himself next to a large lake. He had never been to this place, though before he could think on that his eyes fell on her. Kathryn stood not twenty yards away in a blue dress he remembered from new earth. Smiling he began walking toward her, "You look beautiful," he said as he came close.

Smiling Kathryn reached out to Chakotay as he neared, "Thank you," she said as she took his hands.

Needing no other words Chakotay slid his hand around the back of her neck, leaning in to claim her lips possessively.

….

Kathryn's stomach fluttered as she stood next to Lake George, being kissed soundly by Chakotay. She'd had dreams like this before, though none ever so… exhilarating. Her legs felt as though they were made of rubber, threatening to give under her weight.

As Chakotay's arm raped around her waist, pulling her against his body in support she melted into him. Before she knew what was happening they were sinking down to the ground, Chakotay's lingering hands a welcomed feeling over her body.

….

When his alarm sounded Chakotay pulled himself from his dream, his breath heaving, his body covered in sweat. If he hadn't been positive he had only just woken he would have thought he had taken Kathryn on the holo deck. But that wasn't possible, so he kicked from his bed and began to prepare for the day.

….

Eyes snapping open, Kathryn's breath was labored, her body tingling nicely. She'd dreamed of Chakotay taking her so many times, though none had been as real as what she had just experienced.

As her breathing evened out she licked her lips and ran a finger through her hair. Maybe finally admitting her love had brought about this amazing dream, just maybe she was in for more of them.

….

As the days passed into weeks neither Kathryn or Chakotay wondered about the dreams they had, neither wanting to admit to the other that every night in their dreams they made love. Though instead of quenching their needs, the dreams merely made them long for the feel of one another in the real world all the more.

Sitting in her quarters Kathryn looked from the report in her hand to Chakotay, sitting on the floor playing a game of before bed blocks. When he looked up to her, a smile playing across his lips her breath caught a moment before she looked to her chronometer. "It's eight," she said softly, "Bed time."

"No bed," said Kerin, his eyes moving from Kathryn to Chakotay, "Blocks daddy." Holding a block out he waited for his father to take it.

"Sorry buddy," sighed Chakotay, "Its bed time, whether you like it or not."

Kerin looked as though he wanted to complain, though one look to Kathryn had him pushing to his feet. Mutely he took Kyda's hand and they both entered their bed room. "Night," he called over his shoulder softly.

"Sometimes I wonder," chuckled Chakotay, "Is that boy three of thirty?"

"It's a tossup," said Kathryn as she stood, "Let's get them tucked in."

As they returned to the main living area Kathryn paused and rubbed her face as she heaved a deep sigh. Coming up behind her Chakotay wrapped his arms around her waist before placing a kiss to the side of her neck, "You're exhausted," he said softly.

Closing her eyes Kathryn tilted her head, her hands dropping to cover his on her stomach, "Just tired," she breathed, "But never ending reports need to be done."

Knowing how to choose his battles Chakotay kissed her neck once more before he urged her toward the couch with his body, "Sit," he instructed, "I'll get the reports and some tea."

As Chakotay released her Kathryn gave a stretch, "Coffee," she called after him as she sat.

"Tea and reports or bed and sleep," countered Chakotay as he sat a stack of reports to the coffee table.

Looking up to him Kathryn had a counter on the tip of her tongue only to swallow it at his look. She too knew how to pick her battles, "Fine, tea. But…" holding up a finger she frowned at Chakotay's smirk, "…Are you really smiling at me?"

"Yes," responded Chakotay without hesitation.

Dropping her hand Kathryn gave her head a light shake, "Why?" she questioned.

"You're cute," said Chakotay, "But please, continue. You were about to tell me something… a but."

Heaving a sigh Kathryn's lips thinned, she'd had a point she had wanted to get out, though now her mind refused to cooperate and she couldn't remember what it had been. "You know what, never mind," she sighed, "Just get the tea so we can get this done."

Unspeaking Chakotay turned to retrieve the tea before returning to sit next to her. After handing her a cup the each grabbed a report and began to work in silence. In only a couple hours the pile was down significantly and they found themselves lying sided by side on the couch reading contentedly. As a yawn left Kathryn she thought of her bed only a moment before she fell blissfully to sleep.

….

The next morning Kerin and Kyda grinned at the sight before them. Their parents were sleeping soundly together on the couch. Breaking into runs they jumped on to the sleeping forms, "Morning!" they called out.

Jerking awake startled Kathryn's arms instinctively reached out as she moved, expertly catching Kyda before she fell from the perch she'd found on her mother's hip, "Good morning," she greeted groggily, "Go wash your faces."

The children scrambled away, used to the morning face wash's their mother insisted upon. As they disappeared Chakotay gave a stretch, "I guess we fell asleep doing those reports," he pointed out sleepily.

"I guess so," agreed Kathryn as she shifted herself, "Our bodies are going to regret sleeping here though."

"Let them," sighed Chakotay, "It's more than worth it to wake up to this view." He pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked down to her. "Your eyes are as close as I can get to a bright blue morning sky."

As he kissed her Kathryn smiled, "Do you ever turn off your charm?" she asked, humor lacing her tone.

"Charm?" questioned Chakotay.

Shaking her head Kathryn's eyes gave a twinkle, "You are incorrigible," she chuckled as she made to sit up.

Pulling her back down Chakotay wrapped and arm around her, "Incorrigible?" he asked with a chuckle, "Really?"

As he began to assault her with kisses anywhere he could land them she wiggled from his grasp, "Yes incorrigible," she laughed as she gained her feet, "Now make yourself useful and negotiate with the replicator for breakfast, while I save the bathroom from a giggling flood."

Sitting up Chakotay grinned, "I'll get breakfast, though you're the one in for negotiations, the replicator likes me," he called out.

Glancing over her shoulder Kathryn too grinned, "Rub it in," she called, "One day we'll find some daily used electronic that isn't crazy about you."

"Good luck!" laughed Chakotay as Kathryn disappeared into the bathroom. Standing he moved to the replicator and easily got breakfast on the table, so when the three k's of his life returned they were ready to eat.

After breakfast Sam stopped by to take Kerin and Kyda to play with Naomi on the holo deck, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay to go about their work, each going to their separate offices. As the day went on Chakotay couldn't keep him mind from going back to waking next to Kathryn that morning.

As he finished his work he went to check on the special project he had been thinking on. Entering the free holo deck he nearly gasped at the sight before him. It was his dream lake, exactly. "How'd I do?" asked Tom as he came out from behind a tree.

"It's perfect," said Chakotay, his eyes moving back and forth, trying to take it all in, "How did you get it done so fast?"

Holding his hands behind his back Tom rocked from heel to toe, "Have you ever heard of Lake George?" he questioned. At Chakotay's from Tom smiled, "Well, This is all a program made by the captain. The only difference from your description and the original is… Computer begin original Janeway Lake George."

With a shimmer a cabin appeared around a hundred yards from the lake, a small dock and row boat appearing only feet from the two men, "You mean… Kathryn had this all already programed into the computer?"

"Exactly," affirmed Tom, "Are you sure she never brought you here?"

"Positive," breathed Chakotay, his mind running over how he had dreamed of a place clearly from Kathryn's past, only to not know about it.

….

"Chakotay to Janeway," his voice sounding out over her comm badge made her smile as she leaned back in her chair.

"Janeway here," she responded, "What can I do for you this afternoon?"

"You can take a break and meet me in holo deck two," said Chakotay, his smile clear in his voice.

"Any reason why I should?" questioned Kathryn as she stood, crossing her ready room to recycle the cup she had been using, "I mean, other than I need a break."

There was a pause before he finally responded; "How about because I have a surprise for you?" he tried.

Scrunching her nose Kathryn turned from the replicator, "I'm not big on surprises," she said.

"Alright," laughed Chakotay, "How about this one. I love you and want to spend some time swooning you."

At this Kathryn grinned, "Well, in that case, I'll be right there."

"Good," called Chakotay, "I'll be waiting."

Entering the holo deck Kathryn gasped, it was Lake George, just the way she had been dreaming it, "Wow," she breathed.

"You like it?" questioned Chakotay as he stepped out from behind a tree, offering her a glass of cider.

"I love it," said Kathryn softly, "Only; I'm wondering how you created my dream world so perfectly."

"Your dream world?" Chakotay frowned, ""I was going for my dream world… and I think it came out pretty well."

"You've been to Lake George?" questioned Kathryn before she took a drink of her cider.

Placing a hand to the small of her back Chakotay guided her to a blanket near the water's edge, "I'll admit I didn't know what it was called until Tom informed me, "he said, "And I've never been here on earth…"

As he faded off Kathryn's eyes fell on the blue dress Chakotay had laid out on the blanket. It was the dress she always wore in her dreams, her favorite dress from new earth, still tucked away in her dresser. Though now she would have to check on that, "Chakotay," she finally managed to annunciate, "Is that?"

"Not the actual one. I wasn't sure you still had it so I replicated you a new one," explained Chakotay.

Kathryn's mind raced as she looked to Chakotay's clothing, really looking at it this time, his light pants, and his white shirt. This… this was her dream, only come true. "This is exactly like the dream I have been having every night for several months… Chakotay, how could you know this?"

Chakotay frowned, "I know this because for several months I have been having this dream every night, only in mine…" fading off he looked unsure only a moment, "We make love."

Kathryn's mind burst with images of her dream only a moment before her eyes widened, ""We've been having the same dreams… Chakotay, the connection… What if?" she exclaimed.

"You mean every night… you… you, you made love with me?" questioned Chakotay, clearly baffled.

"Chakotay," snapped Kathryn, "That's not important at the moment. We're sharing dreams," she stressed.

"I get it, we share dreams," dismissed Chakotay, "But it's very important to me… You made love with me?"

"Yes, I did. It was a dream and I'm only a woman," agreed Kathryn, "Now back to this connection."

Chakotay grinned, "Alright, we'll continue that later," he said happily, "Now what do you suggest we do about this connection?"

At this Kathryn groaned and took Chakotay's hand, "As much as I hate this… we have to go to sickbay."

….

The Doctor had been hunched over or standing in front of several panels as he analyzed, re-analyzed, tested, scanned and everything else he could think of to Kathryn and Chakotay for two hours. Kathryn was trying to be a patient woman, but her rope was only so long. "Well Doctor?" she called from her seat on a bio bed.

Straightening the Doctor turned to her, "I believe the dreams… may be the only connection," he said tentatively.

"But?" questioned Kathryn as she rubbed her head against the oncoming headache.

"I can't be sure that there won't be more… connections made between the two of you," answered the Doctor.

Letting out a deep breath Kathryn sent a glare to the doctor, "So you're telling me that we could gain more connections mentally, or are you unsure of even that?" she growled.

"Don't kill the messenger Kathryn," eased Chakotay as he stood, "It's not his fault, no one in our species has ever encountered this. He's doing everything he can."

"Are we done?" questioned Kathryn. At the Doctors nod she stood and exited sickbay.

….

After everything was done for the night and Chakotay had left, Kathryn found herself staring at her bed. She wasn't sure she wanted to sleep, her dreams would never be the same, not knowing he was really there.

….

A/N: What do you think? Dreams? Will this twist finally have Kathryn swooning completely to her man?

Comments make me want to finish faster!

And they make me smile! ;-}

Angie H


	7. 7

Standing next to the lake Kathryn wondered why Chakotay was no asleep as well. She was sure she had been asleep for a while. Heaving a sigh she looked out over the lake, glistening in the sun light. At the sound of foot step s behind her she turned, "We can't Chakotay," she said.

Stopping a few steps from her Chakotay gave a nod, "I knew you were going to say that," he sighed, "Kathryn, we cannot keep denying what's between us! We have children," pausing he met her eyes, "I'd like to have more… I love you; let me comfort you when you're unsure and scared."

"I am not scared," defended Kathryn, jutting out her jaw.

"Then what is it? Why do you keep pulling away from me?" demanded Chakotay, "I know how you feel, we're on the same page, lie and word there. And yet you are in constant denial. Kathryn, give in, let us be happy together."

Tears instantly springing to her eyes Kathryn took a deep, shaky breath, "Every time I let myself love openly something happens!" she said, her voice filled with the tears that ran unwanted down her cheeks, "Jeremy died! Mark… he moved on, because he thought I was dead!"

As Kathryn burst into tears Chakotay mover forward, wrapping her up in his arms against her weak willed attempts to free herself from him, "Stop," he insisted, "Kathryn, I have already died for you. So many times, in so many time lines. I think we're covered."

Lessening her fight Kathryn lay still against his chest, "But will you leave me?" she asked lightly.

"Never!" exclaimed Chakotay instantly, "I'll never know what the outcome of who saved who the most is, I have to know the count."

Flattening her hand against his chest she looked up to him, "What about when the numbers come in?" she asked.

"Then one of us will have failed to save the other and if I ever lost you…" fading off he gave her back a rub, "Well, I'm not going to think about that."

"Yes, well," said Kathryn as she pushed free of his embrace, crossing her arms across her chest in a physical barrier. "That may be, But we're still a long way from home. You can't really tell me that you know for sure that you won't be killed or taken."

"Death I can't do anything about," said Chakotay softly, his palms itching to take her into his arms again, "But if I was ever taken, I would do everything I could to get back. Not to mention, my captain is one strong willed lady. She'd never let one of her crew go without one hell of a fight." Smirking he watched Kathryn's eyes give a spark, "See, even the thought of it has your brambles up."

Heaving a sigh Kathryn blew out a breath as she turned back to the lake, "Your captain would chew nails before she gave up," she declared, "But Kathryn… she's not so strong. You don't know how close she came to breaking every time something happened to you… losing you in any way…"

"My Kathryn is a strong and compassionate woman. She may fall, but I know she will always get back up and do what needs to be done," pausing he found himself reaching for her, only to pull his arms back, "Please, don't cause yourself any undo pain."

Shaking her head Kathryn bit her lip mutely before she simply faded away.

….

Opening her eyes Kathryn made no attempt to stop her tears from falling. Her breathing was slow and even in contrary to her heart, beating wildly in her chest. She knew she loved him, though she was beginning to wonder if she really knew what love was. Having it ripped from her so many times she had developed scares around her heart that numbed the pain. But could they numb the love too?

Shaking her head she gave a sniffle as she kicked from her bed. She couldn't go back to sleep, not knowing he was there waiting for her. She needed time to think, a way to express what she felt. Where her dreams had been an outlet before, they were now a place where he could delve deeper into her then anyone had ever gotten and that scared her beyond words.

Retrieving a cup of coffee she sank into her favorite chair, her eyes fixed on the passing stars outside of her window. Life had been simpler before, when she had resigned herself to being alone. Then she had been sure her life was as it was supposed to be, but now, now she knew she could have it all.

But did she wasn't it?

….

When morning finally came Kathryn was like a robot as she fed and dressed Kerin and Kyda. She was so tired she felt as though she would drop, the only thing keeping her upright and mobile were the dozens of cups of coffee she had consumed sense she had pulled herself from her dream.

At the sound of the door chime she froze as she recycled the breakfast dishes, the children running toward the door exclaiming that daddy was back. She knew they were right and once she called entrance it would be Chakotay stepping in and she didn't know if she wanted that. Though as the children looked between her and the door expectantly she knew she couldn't not let him in. He was their father and they loved him unconditionally, as he did them. "Come," she finally called as she turned her back to the door.

Kerin and Kyda squealed in delight as they bombarded Chakotay the instant her entered. Scooping them both up he placed a kiss to each of their cheeks as he carried them to the center of the room. Looking to Kathryn he sat the children down, "Good morning," he called to her.

Kathryn didn't respond, her knuckles going white as she clutched the dish she still held. The instant the door opened she had had this overwhelming urge to go to him, to hold him and comfort him. It almost felt as though she were drowning in an ocean of love. As it began to ease she placed the last dish in the replicator, the overwhelming love was still there, though now she frowned at the other things flooding her body. Turning she knew instantly that the look on her face mirrored that of his, "Morning," she managed to reply.

Watching her he felt his chest tighten, a fear that couldn't be his creeping into him. Attempting to push past it he tried to smile, "I was going to suggest a family trip to the h-o-l-o d-e-c-k," he said, spelling the words he didn't want the children to hear, "But, by the look of it, I'd say you need sleep."

"I'm fine," dismissed Kathryn, "but I'm not feeling up to the excursion. If you want to take them I'm sure they'd love it."

Nodding Chakotay looked to the children, "Go get your shoes," he ordered, "Daddy will take you to the holo deck, maybe we'll invite Naomi to join us. Turning the kids took off to their room and Chakotay looked back to Kathryn, "Are you sure you don't need sleep? You look exhausted."

Running a hand through her hair Kathryn secured one arm across her chest in another physical barrier. "Even if I wanted to," she sighed, "I've had enough coffee; I could probably beat Voyager back home under my own power."

Nodding Chakotay sighed, "Alright," he relented just before the children returned. Turning to them he smiled, "Are we ready?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" exclaimed Kerin excitedly.

"Ready daddy," said Kyda as she reached out, taking his hand.

"We'll be back in time for lunch," said Chakotay over his shoulder as he was lead from the quarters.

As the door closed Kathryn felt an almost pull as the unfathomable love seemed to flee from her. Blowing out a breath she chose not to dwell on it as she turned to her desk. She had thought about her feelings for hours on end and she didn't want to anymore. She needed something more stable then emotions and reports were just the ticket.

….

When Chakotay and the children returned for lunch he frowned at the door, he had called for entrance several times receiving no response. Struggling only a moment with his need to give Kathryn her peace he entered an override code and let himself in. The children instantly ran off to their room do remove their shoes as he scanned the main living area.

At first he didn't see her due to the stacks of reports on her desk, though as he moved closer he could see she had rested her head against her arms on the small uncluttered area of her desk and she was sleeping. Sighing he struggled with himself, he wanted to pick her up and lay her in her bed, though he knew how she would feel about that. Instead he turned from her and entered the children's room, catching them before they removed their shoes, "Hey," he called lightly, "Mommy's taking a nap. Why don't we go and visit uncle Neelix and see what yummy things he has for lunch?"

Grinning Kerin nodded, "Yay!" he exclaimed rather loudly.

Glaring at her brother Kyda placed a finger to her lips, "Shh," she hissed, "Mommy sleeping."

Smiling Chakotay reached for them, once two tiny hands slid into his he led them to the mess hall.

….

Waking Kathryn gave a stretch before she looked to her chronometer, a frown claiming her lips when she noted the time, sixteen hundred hours. Stifling a yawn she tapped her comm badge, "Janeway to Chakotay," she called.

"Chakotay here," called back his voice, "So you're up from your nap?"

Her frown deepening the question of how he had known she'd been sleeping flitted across her mind before she pushed it away, "Where are you?" she asked instead.

"My quarters," replied Chakotay instantly, "After lunch they got tired so they had an hour nap. Sense they woke up I've been teaching them kadis-kot."

Rubbing a kink from her neck Kathryn stood, "I'd like you to bring them home now," she said evenly.

"As soon as we finish this game," said Chakotay, a smile clear in his voice.

"No, now," insisted Kathryn before she ended the connection, giving him no chance to counter her. Retrieving a cup of Coffee she ran her free hand through her hair as she sighed, she hadn't meant to be harsh to him, but waking to find Kerin and Kyda not where they were supposed to be had scared her.

Letting her anger at Chakotay for not waking her simmer she crossed to her couch. He may have been their father but as their mother she felt it was he job to know where they were at every moment. She knew Chakotay would never let anything happen to them, but that didn't mean she couldn't be angry with him for not keeping her informed.

When her door chime finally sounded she didn't hesitate to call for entrance. Though as the door opened her anger burst into uncertainty, she felt like a child facing her father after she'd done something he would not approve of. Shaking her head she tried to push past the emotion that had taken her by surprise, desperately grasping for the anger that had been to no avail. "Chakotay," she began, her voice softer then she would have liked.

"I know, you were worried," cut in Chakotay, "but when we came back for lunch you were sleeping. I didn't try to carry you and I didn't want to wake you, you needed the sleep. So me and the kids made a day of it."

Flattening her lips Kathryn sent him a glare, "Weather I needed it or not, you should have woke me," she insisted, "I…"

"I know," cut in Chakotay once more, "It will never happen again."

Heaving a sigh Kathryn gave a nod, "See that it doesn't," she said simply. And there it was again, the overwhelming love washing over her, replacing her uncertainty and making her breath catch. Other than that morning she had never felt the urge to hold and comfort someone so strongly and it unsettled her.

Watching Kathryn Chakotay frowned at the look that crossed her face, almost a look of fear, but not quite. Taking an involuntary step toward her he narrowed his eyes, "What is it?" he asked.

Jerking from her thoughts Kathryn looked up to him, "Nothing," she dismissed.

"It's more than nothing when you get that cress between your eyes," countered Chakotay.

Rubbing her forehead Kathryn bit the inside of her lip before taking a slow breath, a thought coming to her, "Could you go out into the hall?" she asked.

"Why would I…" he began to question.

"Just humor me?" she asked, "I promise I'll let you back in."

Looking as though he would put up a fight Chakotay finally nodded before he stepped out into the hall. As the door closed, once again the unconditional feeling of love left her. With a thoughtful look she called for the door to open and the feeling returned. As Chakotay re-entered Kathryn looked to him, "What do you feel?" she asked, "Right now, no thinking."

"Angry, scared, uncertain," responded Chakotay without hesitation.

Nodding Kathryn set her cup down, "That's what I thought," she said simply.

"What do you mean?" questioned Chakotay, "How could you know that? I didn't feel that until the instant I entered."

"Exactly," said Kathryn, "Before you felt love, unconditional love, right?"

"How did you…"

"Because I'm feeling your emotions and you're feeling mine," she explained bluntly.

Chakotay frowned, "Another connection?" he asked.

"Apparently," answered Kathryn, "The dreams I can deal with. But this… Around you I can't even feel my own emotions. Chakotay, I can't…"

"Don't," said Chakotay, effectively cutting off her words, "Kathryn… What do you feel?"

"I feel… unsure, but," pausing she eyed him, "Love. That's what I feel the most."

"That's because I love you. More than my own life, I love you Kathryn Janeway," declared Chakotay, "Whenever I'm near you, heck even when I'm not near you I can't stop the love I have for you."

"That doesn't change my feelings," pointed out Kathryn, "You, at this very moment know even better than I do what I feel right now. I can't…"

"Nope," cut in Chakotay, "There cannot be any Cant's between us. Maybe's and I'm not sure, okay. But I will not let you say you can't do something when you haven't even tried."

"How can I?" sighed Kathryn.

Moving to her Chakotay held out his hand, "You have to take the first step… you weren't scared before when you let me hold you, kiss you," he said softly.

"That was different," began Kathryn.

"How so?" countered Chakotay, "Then you had no idea how I felt and now that you do you want to turn tail and run? Are you really that scared to love?"

Even before she took his hand he could feel her emotions shift ever so slightly. She was still angry and uncertain, though she was no longer scared. "Fear doesn't hold me," she said stubbornly.

"If it doesn't then let me," breathed Chakotay as he stared into her eyes.

Shaking her head Kathryn pulled her hand from him, "I can't," she said softly.

"What did I say about cants?" questioned Chakotay sternly.

"Fine," breathed Kathryn, "I won't."

At this Chakotay deflated some, "Alright, but will you promise me one thing?"

"That depends," said Kathryn as she sent a quick glance over her shoulder to be sure the children were still in their room, "Ask me and we'll see."

Taking a deep breath Chakotay locked his hands together behind his back to keep himself from reaching for her, "Promise you won't pull away. That you'll sort through your feelings, instead of stamping them down."

"On one condition," said Kathryn instantly, "You have to leave… so I can actually feel what I'm feeling."

Chakotay nodded, "Fair. Just keep in mind the love for you that you know I feel," he said, "Don't discount it, because I assure you that feeling is not going to change anytime soon."


	8. 8

A/N : This chappy is the first in this series that I had to crumple paper while writing. Though when I got the beginning sorted, it decided to write its self, so I hope you enjoy.

She had only just allowed him to hold her and love her the day before. And now, as she sat alone in her dark bedroom she cried. Her mind was made, she could never bear to lose him in any way, whether it be death or the wall she knew separated them at that very moment.

As she debated as to whether or not she should go to him her comm badge burst to life.

….

An older Admiral Janeway had appeared, leading them home through the Borg annex. She had sacrificed herself so Kathryn wouldn't lose Chakotay as she had. The planning, preparation and execution, not to mention the communications that had begun the instant the Federation and Starfleet had known they were back, had taken all their time.

Though now with the communications over and Kerin and Kyda tucked away sleeping soundly, Kathryn found herself alone in her dimmed main living area. There were so many reports that needed finished, yet the only thing on her mind was, ironically not being home, but being able to be with Chakotay fully.

As she thought of going to him her door chime sounded, making her smile. Standing she called for entrance as she crossed the room, "Took you long enough," she said as the love that was his washed over her.

Stopping in his tracks Chakotay was struck speechless a moment at the wave of love that washed from the woman standing in front of him, "Kathryn," he finally managed to say.

"Don't talk," whispered Kathryn as she stretched up on her tip toes, placing a tender kiss to his lips, "I've decided…" she breathed as she pulled back but a whisper.

"Decided what?" asked Chakotay as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"That I'm going to have it all," responded Kathryn as she pulled his arms from her waist, "And be damned anything that tries to get in my way." With that she led him into her bedroom.

She was Kathryn, not the captain and with him that was how it would always be.

….

When the morning had come it brought with it so many things. Voyager was landed and family and friends of the crew waited, surrounding the extremely long gang plank. The crew had grinned like fools as they had departed Voyager for the last time. Being the last to exit Kathryn shifted Kyda on her hip as she looked to Chakotay who held Kerin.

"Are you ready?" asked Chakotay as he caught her eye.

"Can't we just stay here?" asked Kathryn sheepishly.

"Come on," insisted Chakotay as he took her free hand, "It won't be so bad." With that he pulled her out into the sun light, the crowed below cheering so loud the children covered their ears.

Placing a smile on her face Kathryn squeezed Chakotay's hand, "Here we go," she said before they began their final journey to the earth below.

They had to push though swarms of people that wanted to congratulate the command team on beating the odds stacked against them. The well-wishers making Kathryn's head ache, though as one voice called out above all the rest her eyes went wide, "Kathryn!" shouted the voice.

Chakotay was the first to spot the speaker. A small woman with short red hair matching Kathryn's bobbed up and down in the crowed and he moved them in that direction, "There," he said, indicating the woman with a nod of his head.

Looking in the direction he indicated Kathryn grinned, "It's Phoebe!" she exclaimed. "Phoebe!" she called.

Once they made it to a relatively clear area Kathryn released his hand to embrace her sister, the two talking quickly over one another until Phoebe's eyes landed on Chakotay and the children. "Do I get an introduction?" she asked.

"Of course," laughed Kathryn, "Phoebe, this is Chakotay and our children, Kerin and Kyda.

"Your children?" questioned Phoebe, "You mean… I'm and aunty?"

"It would seem that way," chuckled Kathryn.

Looking to Kyda Phoebe's smile broadened, "Oh Kathryn," she breathed before holding a hand out to the child before her, "Hellos Kyda, I'm your aunty Phoebe, your mama's sister."

Pressing herself closer to Kathryn Kyda looked unsure, "It's alright," assured Kathryn, "She won't hurt you."

Still looking unsure Kyda reached out and gave Phoebe's hand a shake before she pulled back. Kerin, in Chakotay's arms grinned, "Kerin!" he exclaimed as he held his hand out to his aunt.

Laughing Phoebe took his offered hand, "Well hello Kerin, I'm your aunty Phoebe," she greeted, "I see at least one of them inherited the Janeway assertiveness."

Laughing Chakotay nodded, "That's not all. You should see his stubborn streak!"

Scanning the crowed in their immediate area Kathryn's smile faded some, "Phoebe, where's mom?" she asked.

"Oh, right," exclaimed Phoebe, "When we learned how crowded it would be here we decided it would be best for her to stay home. But Admiral Paris assured us every crewman would get to go home, be with their loved ones for at least a week."

Noticing the hope that sprung to life in Kathryn's eyes Chakotay straightened, "I'll just find Admiral Paris, make sure we can leave," he said before turning.

Standing behind him a graying man smiled, "No need, Admiral Paris is here," he chuckled.

Turning Kathryn smiled, "Admiral," she greeted.

"Katie," exclaimed Admiral Paris as he wrapped her up in a hug, "It's good to have you home."

"It's good to be home," sighed Kathryn as she took a step back.

The Admiral nodded as he straightened his shoulders. "Well," he began as his gaze passed over Chakotay and the children, "We'll have a lot to discuss when you report to be debriefed, though you've more than earned some free time. Go home, get settled and tell Gretchen I said hello."

"You rock Admiral!" exclaimed Phoebe, taking Kathryn's free hand, "Now, mind clearing us a path?"

Admiral Paris grinned as he tapped his comm badge, the PA system around them coming to life, "Attention!" he called out, the crowed going quiet, "If everyone would clear a path we can get the distinguished Captain Janeway home to her mother before lunch."

Like the red sea the crowed before them parted. Kathryn could only manage a smile in the Admiral's direction before Phoebe pulled her away, Chakotay trailing behind them.

….

As they traveled from the transport station to the old Indiana farm house Kathryn had grown up in, Kerin and Kyda stared out the window at the fields and meadows they passed. "Look!" exclaimed Kyda, "Flowers!"

"Long grass," added Kerin. Taking his eyes from the window he looked to Kathryn, "Where the big bath, mam?" he asked.

"Big bath?" questioned Phoebe.

"He means a stream," clarified Kathryn, "They've only seen earth on a holo deck."

At this Phoebe nodded, "We have a big bath in our back yard," she assured Kerin, making the bot squeal in joy. Laughing she looked up as the vehicle slowed, "Look, I told her not to go to any trouble."

Looking up Kathryn chuckled at the front porch of her childhood home. It was covered in balloons, a large banner with the words 'welcome home' on it stretched over the front door. "You know mom," she said as she pulled Kyda into her lap, "You tell her not to do something and come hell or high water that's what she'll do."

"Sounds familiar," scoffed Chakotay, receiving a glare, "In a loveable sort of way."

Rolling her eyes Kathryn slid from the vehicle as the door opened. Kyda clung tightly to her neck and Kerin struggled from Chakotay's grasp to barrel toward the house, "Be careful," she called after her son. Walking up the path her eyes brightened when an older version of herself appeared in the doorway, "Mom," she called as she hurried up the front steps.

"Oh, my Katie!" exclaimed Gretchen as she opened her arms to her daughter. Embracing her a moment she stepped back to look to Kyda. She was silent a while before she cleared her throat, "Well Kathryn, are you going to introduce me to my granddaughter?"

"What… how?" questioned Kathryn in shock.

Smiling tenderly Gretchen patted Kathryn's cheek, "Darling, she is the spitting image of you when you were her age," she explained.

"Mother," began Kathryn, "This is Kyda and…" pausing she turned to see Chakotay struggling to keep hold of their son as he moved up the stairs, "that spit fire is Kerin, your grandson."

Giving a nod Gretchen looked to Chakotay, "Would this be your husband?" she asked.

Before Kathryn could respond Phoebe burst into laughter, "Kathryn married?!" she exclaimed, "Mom, you should count your stars you have grandchildren now, I mean she was in command and you know her and her Starfleet rules."

"Phoebe," scolded Gretchen as she sent a glare to her youngest daughter, effectively quieting her laughter. "Now, whatever the circumstances, it's nice to meet you Mr.…"

"Just Chakotay," he said with a smile, "I'm…"

"The children's father," finished Kathryn.

"Dow Daddy!" shouted Kerin as he struggled fiercely.

Looking to her grandson Gretchen's eyes gave a spark, "Now young man," she began, her voice firm enough to gain Kerin's attention, "Chi9ldren in this house don't get sweets if they aren't nice to their mama's and dada's"

Stilling Kerin eyed Gretchen a moment, seeming to debate as to how far he could push her. Sending a glance to his mother he pursed his lips before he sighed, "Down plea daddy," he finally said.

As Kerin was sat down, Gretchen held a hand out to him, "Now a nice little boy like that deserves a caramel brownie."

Ears perking at the mention of brownies Kyda's eyes went wide, "Me brownie too?" she asked.

"Of course," laughed Gretchen, "Now let's get inside before we wear a hole in the front stoop."

….

The day seemed to fly by, until Kathryn found herself standing on the back porch, a cup of coffee in hand as she watched the fireflies dance in the darkness of the front yard. The sound of someone behind her had her turning, "Oh, mom," she sighed.

"Who were you expecting?" asked Gretchen coyly, "Your Chakotay?"

Kathryn gave a light smile, "No," she said softly, "I would have known if it was him…" Fading off she took a deep breath, "It's good to be home."

Nodding Gretchen stopped next to Kathryn, taking her coffee, "You'll never sleep drinking this stuff," she said before she herself took a drink, "I should know."

Grinning Kathryn clucked her tongue, "So she says as she drinks my coffee," she chuckled.

"I'm saving you from a horrid habit," clarified Gretchen, "A mother's duty isn't always pleasant, but it's what I do."

"Oh yes, I can see you're suffering," agreed Kathryn sarcastically.

"Hey!" called out Phoebe's voice from behind them, "Are you two fighting over coffee?"

"Not fighting," responded Kathryn, "She took mine but I relented."

Mock clutching her chest Phoebe looked as though she'd have a heart attack, until Kathryn slugged her in the arm, "Ow!" wined Phoebe, "Mom, she hit me!"

"She provoked me," put in Kathryn.

"Now girls," sighed Gretchen, "One day together and fighting, do I need to send you to your rooms?"

"But I…" began Kathryn before Chakotay stepped out onto the back porch.

"Backup, thank the heavens," sighed Gretchen, "I think we'll have to separate these two."

"Oh really," questioned Chakotay with a smile as he stopped behind Kathryn, wrapping his arms around her waist, "Do you suppose they need to be grounded as well?"

At that Gretchen laughed, "That ship sailed long ago. They've both learned to escape and I'm getting too old to run interference."

"Oh, I think I can keep this one occupied," chuckled Chakotay as he wiggled Kathryn in his arms, "That is if she doesn't decide to kill me for trying."

"Oh I do like this one Kathryn!" exclaimed Gretchen, "If you don't keep him I'll be tempted to. How do you feel about older women Chakotay?"

"Mother!" gasped Kathryn.

"No harm in asking," dismissed Gretchen, "Come along Phoebe, let your sister have some piece."

Turning to follow her mother Phoebe stuck her tongue out at Kathryn before hurrying away.

"If you're ready to run, just let me know and I'll come with you," sighed Kathryn as she leaned back into Chakotay's warm embrace.

"Run? Never," laughed Chakotay, "I love your mother. It gives me a hint to coming years."

Elbowing him Kathryn chuckled, "Okay wise guy, what do you think of my sister?"

"Phoebe?" said Chakotay thoughtfully, "She's something else."

Nodding Kathryn looked up to him, "Mom was right," she said.

"About what?"

"I think I'll keep you."


	9. 9

Kathryn's family had accepted Kerin and Kyda as if they had always known them. Phoebe bonding quickly with her nephew, spending hours on end outside, while Gretchen would bake with Kyda every afternoon. The week seemed to slip by in such happy contentment that when Sunday finally came Kathryn found herself feeling down. She knew the next morning she would have to leave her babies and go back to San Francisco and she didn't know how long her debriefing would be.

Though the thought of endless hours of questioning wasn't why she felt down, She didn't know what Starfleet would want to do with Chakotay and the other Maquis crewmen. She'd been sent to bring them back and she had, only not locked away in her brig. Sitting alone on the back porch, enjoying the morning air Kathryn had allowed her mind to wonder. Though the sound of footsteps and the shift in her emotions had her looking up.

Standing a few steps from her Chakotay took in what she was feeling a moment before he sighed, "Whatever you're thinking, stop."

Giving a light smile Kathryn shrugged, "I've tried," she said softly, "I think you're going to have to stop me."

Moving to her Chakotay lifted her legs from the porch swing, sitting down beside her, "How would you propose I do that?" he questioned.

Her eyes giving a glint Kathryn tilted her head, "Oh, I believe I could think of a few things," she said coyly.

Giving a chuckle Chakotay shook his head, "Kathryn, we're in a house with your mother and sister, not to mention our two small children."

"Woman, you will be the death of me," groaned Chakotay. Reaching out he pulled her against him, "And spirit help me, I think I like it."

"You better like it," chuckled Kathryn as she pressed a small fist into his ribs. Sobering she gave a sigh, "We have to go back to San Francisco tomorrow."

"I know," breathed Chakotay, "Are we leaving the children here?"

"That was the plan," said Kathryn, "I don't like leaving them… But there's just something, I don't know. I don't want them anywhere near Starfleet headquarters until I know what their intentions are."

At this Chakotay frowned, "What their intentions are?" he asked.

"Starfleet has about the same view on alternate time lines as they do on time travel," explained Kathryn, "I won't let them do anything to my children… I just don't know what I can do about you and the rest of the ex- Maquis."

"You think they'll arrest us? Isn't the war over?" asked Chakotay. When she didn't respond he lifted her chin so she looked to him, "Whatever they do… I will come back to you."

"You're not supposed to leave me in the first place," countered Kathryn.

"Not of my freewill," assured Chakotay, "But let's not think on that. Let's spend our last day here being happy."

Letting out a deep breath Kathryn nodded, "Alright. What do you suggest we do?"

Un-responding Chakotay stood and pulled Kathryn to her feet. When she looked to him with question he smiled, "How about a real family day? We'll dust the flour from Kyda and your mother and spray the mud from Kerin and Phoebe," he said, "Then we can do anything that comes to mind."

"Sounds like a plan," agreed Kathryn.

….

They had started the day off showing Chakotay, Kerin and Kyda the town closest to their home. They had walked the streets and had a home grown lunch before stopping at the old ice cream parlor for a treat. Everyone had been happy and full of energy when they had begun, though as the hours drug on Gretchen began to slow, enticing Kathryn to suggest some shopping where her mother could sit.

This had lead them to a small clothing store where Phoebe and Kathryn had selected several items to try on with Kyda. As they had their fun Chakotay sat next to Gretchen, Kerin in his lap, "This should be interesting," he observed.

"I only hope they dress fully," scoffed Gretchen, gaining a wide eyed look from Chakotay, "when they were young, they would play dress up at home. You would not believe the number of times Katie wound up strutting her stuff with no breeches."

"No pants?" chuckled Chakotay, "I'm not sure about that, though I've got to say I'd be up for one of those shows."

Grinning Gretchen batted Chakotay's arm, "You wicked man!" she chuckled.

"Me?" asked Chakotay innocently, the look Gretchen sent him had him smiling broadly, "Well you can't blame me. You're the one who put the image in my head!"

Before Gretchen could respond Kerin tugged Chakotay's shirt, "Mama pretty!" he exclaimed.

Looking up Chakotay's jaw nearly dropped when he spotted Kathryn standing just outside the dressing room. She wore a knee length, little black dress that fit snuggly to her curves. Nearly swallowing his tongue Chakotay gave a choked cough before he found his voice, "Damn!"

Smiling shyly Kathryn tugged at the hem of the dress, "Is it good?" she asked.

"Woman, if it were any better I would be having a heart attack," assured Chakotay.

Popping out from the dressing room Phoebe grinned at her sister, "I told you his tongue would be on the floor," she chuckled, her attention turning to Chakotay, "Now roll it up and have a look at this little beauty."

Taking his eyes from Kathryn Chakotay looked to Kyda as she stepped out from behind her mother. She wore a light, flowing sun dress in baby pink. Smiling he gave her a wink, "When did a princess get here?" he asked playfully, "I thought I was going to see my baby Kyda."

"I Kyda daddy!" giggled the small girl.

"Oh you are!" exclaimed Chakotay in mock shock, "Well I think in that dress I'll be calling you my pretty princess Kyda."

"I pretty daddy!" exclaimed Kerin, gaining everyone's attention.

"No son," laughed Chakotay, "Boys are handsome."

"And you are one strapping young man," assured Gretchen as she patted his back.

Smiling now Kathryn gave a shrug, "It's almost supper time. Let me get out of this and we'll go."

Chakotay was ready to disagree until Gretchen nodded and stood. In minutes everyone was outside ready to head back to their vehicle. "Wait," declared Kyda, "Where's daddy?"

The others only had a moment to frown before Chakotay came up behind them, "We going?" he asked, "I'm hungry."

As they walked Kathryn frowned to Chakotay, "What were you doing?" she asked, "When we were leaving the store."

"Bathroom," he replied simply.

….

That evening Gretchen was the first to retire to her bedroom, before Kerin and Kyda were tucked away in Phoebe's old room. After having a night cap Phoebe headed for their fathers old office to sleep on the couch. Looking to Kathryn Chakotay smiled, "Why don't you go get ready for bed? I'll take care of this mess then I'll join you," he suggested.

Smiling Kathryn nodded, "That sounds good," she agreed, "I have to use the bathroom." With that she stood and made her way to the bedroom for he nightclothes.

Picking up the dishes Chakotay grinned like a fool.

When he finally entered the bedroom he stopped mid step. She stood in front of him, barefoot in the little black dress from the store. "Oh, wow," he breathed.

Smiling she smoothed the sides of the dress, "Now don't have a heart attack on me old man," she said evenly before giving a throaty laugh.

"I'm not promising anything," he chuckled. Moving forward he stood just before her, "Promises are to all-consuming."

"What about swearing?"

"Every damn day of my life."

Grinning she batted his chest laughing. As her laughter died her eyes met his, "Suddenly I feel a little under dressed here," she said.

Mutely he kicked off his shoes, shed his shirt and dropped his pants. When she burst into laughter anew he frowned to her, "What's so funny?" he questioned.

"If I would have known my power over you," she said, "I would have used it sooner."

"What power?"

"The ability to make your clothes fly off."

Laughing himself he swept her into his arms and deposited her swiftly to the bed, "My god woman," he whispered as he caressed the skin at the side of her neck, "You are my life."

At that all talk ended as he pressed his lips to hers. If this was their last night they would make it one to remember.


	10. 10

The instant they had entered Starfleet command they were separated. Kathryn was swept off my some female crewman on security detail, managing only a glimpse of Chakotay as people swarmed. Photos were snapped in her eyes until the security officer managed to bully her way through to a secured door.

Once in a silent corridor Kathryn cleared her throat, "I've never been to any debriefing that started this way," she observed.

"You've never been a famous captain before, Ma'am," responded the officer easily.

Smirking Kathryn gave a nod, "Right," she said evenly, "I should have thought of that."

The officer didn't respond in any way to Kathryn's humor as she led her down the door lined corridor. When she finally stopped Kathryn found herself in a medium sized room with one table in the center, surrounded by four very uncomfortable looking chairs. "Please, have a seat," instructed the officer, "Someone will be with you in a couple minutes." Not waiting for a response she was gone.

….

Chakotay's nerves were reaching their limit; he had been stuck in a room and asked countless questions for what had to be hours. The Federation and Starfleet officials had decided, before meeting him that he was still Maquis scum, as they'd called him several times and he was having trouble remaining civil toward them. "Look," he finally sighed, "I've answered your questions, when exactly is the debriefing part going to start?"

Leaning back in his chair one of the 'interrogators' sighed, "You don't seem to understand what's taking place here," he said, "We only debrief Starfleet personnel."

Frowning Chakotay creased his brow, "So, what exactly is going on here then?" he asked, "I was told to report for debriefing, along with everyone else."

At this the man across from him smiled, "That was for the benefit of your captain. We couldn't really hull you off to be detained if she knew," he explained.

"Right now, you should consider yourself… persona non grata."

….

Kathryn had been answering every question asked to her for four days straight, to exhausted at night for her to even dream or miss the fact that she wasn't. On the fifth day she was beginning to wonder when it would all end. When Admiral Paris entered the room she gave a light smile as she stood, "It's good to finally see a familiar face," she exclaimed.

Smiling back Admiral Paris nodded for her to re-take her seat. "I understand these long debriefings can be strenuous," he said as he took a seat, "I only have a few more questions for you. Then you can go home, be with your family."

Taking a slow breath Kathryn nodded, "Alright," she agreed.

Giving a nod Admiral Paris leaned his elbows on the table, "I've been going over Voyager's records and I have found no mention of you being with child. Then with no mention of them prior these twins show up at two years old," he began, "Could you tell me how that came about?"

That was the question Kathryn had been dreading to answer. But now that is had been asked she had no choice. "If you had noticed, we had encountered an anomaly," she began to explain, "There were two Voyager's in the same place and time… During the commotion of it all… they sort of appeared on my ship." She had fibbed some, but the logs on that incident were patchy in Voyager's computers.

Admiral Paris seemed to accept her answer as he nodded thoughtfully. "Your Doctor discovered their parentage then and you took responsibility for them?" he pressed.

"Yes," responded Kathryn easily, "I couldn't very well ask someone else to care for them. I'm their mother and the captain."

Sighing Admiral Paris sat back, "You know Starfleet's stand on alternate time lines," he said softly.

"Yes, sir."

Blowing out a breath Admiral Paris took what looked to be a tricorder from his pocket, activating it he placed it on the table, "Listen Katie," he began, "The last time Starfleet had access to a person from an alternate time line they put them away. Ran tests… the person didn't make it."

Kathryn's heart dropped into her stomach, it was her worst nightmare coming true, "Are you telling me they're going to take my children?" she asked, her voice giving a quiver at her words.

Admiral Paris' lips thinned as he gazed across the table at Kathryn.

….

Instead of being allowed to rest and re-fuel after each interrogation Chakotay was deposited in a large brig. At first he was the only one held in the many cells, then he became aware that others were being treated to the same hospitality he'd been receiving. "Hello?" he called out one night, "I know there are others here."

"Chakotay?" called out a familiar female voice.

"B'Elanna," sighed Chakotay, "Please tell me Miral's not with you."

"No," responded B'Elanna, "Thank god for small wonders. Chakotay, what's going on? I came in for debriefing and they treated me like a criminal."

"I'm not sure… I think, when we were told the war was over. That it was to get us to trust them," explained Chakotay, "They won't tell me anything. But I believe Starfleet still has something to fear from our old cause."

"I wonder what?" thought B'Elanna aloud.

….

"What I am about to say stays between you and me," said Admiral Paris evenly.

At this Kathryn's brow furrowed, "We're being recorded," she said.

Tapping the device he had placed on the table Admiral Paris shook his head, "Every word we've said to one another has been… transformed," he said, "As far as Starfleet knows I've been asking you repeat questions." At Kathryn's nod of understanding he continued, "I was first to board and access Voyager's computers. I know everything and as a courtesy to your mother I have altered things."

"I'm not sure I'm following you," breathed Kathryn, "What do you mean you've altered things?"

"As far as Starfleet is concerned you conceived and gave birth to those twins. Now don't get me wrong, this isn't simply about courtesy."

"What do you mean?"

"For doing this… I need you to do something for me," dead panned Admiral Paris.

"What do you want me to do?" asked Kathryn. She'd do anything for her children.

"Not here," standing the Admiral motioned for Kathryn to do the same. When she did he pulled another device from his pocket, "This will allow me to alter you." As her eyes went wide he smiled, "Don't worry, its only for when they scan you before you leave. What they see will correlate with the information I've put in Voyager's computers."

Nodding Kathryn allowed herself to be scanned. Though at Admiral Paris's frown she crossed her arms, "What is it?" she asked.

"You've stopped receiving your contraceptives?"

"How did you…"

Putting away the scanner Admiral Paris sighed, "Kathryn, you're pregnant," he said bluntly, "I can't possibly ask you to help me now."

"If you can protect my children at risk to yourself Admiral. With all due respect I can make the decision to help you myself," insisted Kathryn. Her mind reeled; pregnant… it should have been happy news. But if it meant she couldn't do what needed to be done to protect Kerin and Kyda, "The least you can do is tell me. If I can't help you, my crew can."

….

She had expected Admiral Paris to tell her there was an issue with the inner workings of Starfleet. She hadn't expected him to tell her that the Federation was being manipulated from the inside and they believed it was the work of rouge Maquis. Her first question had been the security of her own Maquis crewmen, the answer had been imprisonment. Admiral Paris assured her that once she cleared up the situation her crewmen would be released and the people responsible for treating them this way would be handled.

When she had ended her meeting she had begun her journey home, contacting what was left of her senior crew as she went. She had to keep her mind on the task at hand, if she let herself dwell on her condition and Chakotay's imprisonment she knew she wouldn't be able to hold herself together.

Making it home she took a deep, cleansing breath before she made her way up the front steps of the house. She didn't know what she would tell Kerin and Kyda when they asked where their father was and she dreaded knowing that she would have to answer them in some way. As she reached for the door knob it was pulled from her grasp, making her give a startled gasp.

"Kathryn," exclaimed Phoebe, standing in the open doorway. "Why didn't you tell us you were coming back? I'd have picked you up…" fading off she frowned, "Where's Chakotay?"

Looking up to her sister Kathryn couldn't stop the tears that welled up and spelled over, "They took him," she managed to respond on a breath.

Unspeaking Phoebe reached out, pulling Kathryn into her arms. Holding her close she lead her inside, as they passed the kitchen doorway their mother's questioning look had her shaking her head as she made her way to their fathers office. Once there she kicked the door closed behind them and pulled Kathryn down to the couch, "Hey," she whispered, "Can you tell me what's happening?"

Struggling to control her breathing Kathryn sniffled as she lifted her head from her sisters' shoulder, "Because he was Maquis," she said, "The federation is in trouble. They believe the Maquis are to blame."

Breath catching Phoebe's eyes ignited with fire, "Every Maquis crewman on your ship has been in the delta quadrant for the last seven years. How could they possibly think they could have anything to do with something here, now?" she questioned, "This is completely absurd."

"I know," sighed Kathryn, "I have to figure out who is responsible so I can get them out."

"We'll do it," stressed Phoebe, "We'll start right now."

Shaking her head Kathryn wiped at her tears, "Could I just be alone for a while? I need to think."

Nodding Phoebe stood, "Sure thing… but what should I tell the kids?"

"Nothing," blurted Kathryn before blowing out a deep breath, "I mean, tell them mommy needed a nap."

Without a word Phoebe exited, plunging the room into silence. Alone, Kathryn lay back on the couch closing her eyes. She needed desperately to speak with Chakotay and she prayed he was sleeping.

….

Chakotay had forced himself to sleep every chance he got, in the hopes that Kathryn was trying to connect with him. As the familiar scene of Lake George appeared before him he thought he was imagining things at first. Standing by the lake, it was her, "Kathryn," he breathed.

Turning at his voice Kathryn rushed toward him, throwing her arms around his shoulders. "Oh Chakotay," she cried, "What are we going to do?"

"We'll get through this," he eased as he wrapped her up in his arms, "They'll realize they've made a mistake. They'll have to let me go."

"That's just it," sighed Kathryn, "They don't want to find the real person responsible… I have to do that. Admiral Paris told me what's happening. This is up to me."

"What do you mean find the real person?" questioned Chakotay, "Kathryn, what's going on?"

It took her several minutes to tell him all she knew and when she finished Kathryn looked up to him, "But that's not the biggest thing that's happened."

This made him frown, "What else is there?" he asked.

Taking a deep breath Kathryn cast her eyes to the ground, "Chakotay," she finally breathed, "I'm… I'm pregnant."

Chakotay's eyes brightened, "I needed some good news," he said. Taking Kathryn's face in his hands he tilted it toward him, "Kathryn, we'll be together, we will. You'll get me out of here and everything will be fine. In the meantime you will take care of yourself and this baby. Lean on your family, they won't let you fall."

"But I want to lean on you," said Kathryn softly, "I need you."

Pulling her against him once more Chakotay kissed the top of her head, "I'm right here. You can lean on me for now."

"I want forever," sighed Kathryn as she tightened her hold on him. She didn't want to ever let him go and if that meant never waking up she was ready for that. Though as the thought crossed her mind she was suddenly holding nothing, Chakotay was gone.


	11. 11

Jerking awake Kathryn sobbed for breath, her heart giving such a s strong ache her chest felt as though it would break open. Barely able to hold back her cry of agony her eyes shot open as she sat up. How was she going to do this? Her arms already longed to hold him, her skin cold where it should have been warm from his touch. Choking out a cry she buried her face in her hands, letting her tears fall freely. At the sound of the door opening she quickly turned, fiercely wiping at her face, "I'll be right out," she sniffled.

"Not until you're ready you won't," scoffed Gretchen as she sat next to her distressed daughter, "Don't you let my being here stop your tears."

As her mother pulled her against her side, Kathryn dropped her hands and heaved a sigh, "How am I going to do this without him mom? For the last seven years he's been by my side."

"One day at a time, Katie," murmured Gretchen as she rubbed Kathryn's side, "All you need to remember is that each day you'll be closer to having him back. I believe in you Katie-did, no one but you could get him back… except maybe me."

Choking out a laugh Kathryn pushed at her mother's side, "Don't make me laugh," she insisted, "I'm serious mom, how will I do this without him?... handling three kids…"

At Kathryn's words Gretchen turned her in her arms, "Three kids?" she questioned.

Kathryn nodded before locking her eyes on her mother's, "I'm pregnant… only a week or so."

Gretchen was quiet a long moment, simply taking in the information that had been given to her. Taking a slow breath she finally nodded, "And what you have to do… how dangerous is it?"

At this Kathryn frowned, "You were just telling me to go for it a minute ago," she said softly, "And now you're worried about danger?"

Sighing Gretchen ran a hand through Kathryn's hair, "I know that if you were to get knocked around saving him you would make it back, crawling if you had to," she explained, "But now this isn't only your body in danger. There's a tiny body living inside of you now and it's nowhere near as resilient as yours."

"I know," eased Kathryn, "Mom, I will not do anything to harm this child…" fading off she rested a hand against her lower abdomen, "But I will not stop fighting to get Chakotay back."

"Not on your own," Gretchen began to insist, though her words were cut short as the doorbell rang and Phoebe called that there were people there for Kathryn.

"I wasn't planning on it," assured Kathryn. Standing she helped her mother to her feet before they exited the office to be met with four uncertain faces, "Mom I'd like you to meet, Harry Kim, Seven of nine, Voyager's EMH and Tom Paris. My senior crew."

"Her extended Family," put in Tom as he jiggled Miral in his arms, "It's good to meet you Mrs. Janeway, but are we going to get started? Miral really wants her mom."

"We'll start right now," assured Kathryn before she reached out, taking Miral into her arms. In seconds the tiny infant stopped fussing, her eyes drooping closed.

"I guess it was only a mother's touch she needed," pointed out Gretchen, "Now, why don't you all use the office and I'll get you some refreshments."

….

The only thing getting him through the endless days locked away was the fact that he got to hold and comfort Kathryn every night in his dreams. She told him everything they were finding and everything they suspected and he was becoming scared that the person they were tracking lead to high in the chain of command, though she assured him they had Admiral Paris' protection.

It did nothing to set his mind at ease though as the day's drug on to weeks and before anyone knew it they had been locked away for nearly eighteen weeks. He missed Kerin and Kyda like crazy but he pushed his feelings back so he could try to keep the moral of the crew with him up.

"Miral is probably getting so big," called out B'Elanna suddenly, "And I'm missing it."

"You'll get back to her," called out Chakotay, "We haven't done anything wrong… well not this time."

This had quite a few chuckles erupting from the cells, though not the one he had intended. "I wonder if she'll remember me," said B'Elanna wistfully.

"A baby never forgets their mother's heartbeat," called out Ayala, "They listen to it for too long to ever forget."

"Like Harry's clarinet playing!" called out Jarvin.

Another round of chuckles sounded, making Chakotay smile when he heard B'Elanna finally join in.

….

They had been following a trail of conspiracy and deceit, leading them closer and closer to some very secretive people. Kathryn knew everyone was becoming rather put off, feeling as though they would never be able to save their friends… their family. Standing in her bed room she turned in front of her mirror, flattening the light dress she wore to reveal the small bump that had over taken her flat stomach. "Your daddy will be home soon little one," she murmured, "One way or another."

As her mind began to wonder to the plan Seven had come up with a knock sounded at her door, making her look up in time to see Tom enter, "Darn, you're decent…" he said with a snap of his fingers, making her smile, "Well I guess we'll just have to join the others."

Smiling fully, Kathryn's eyes gave a twinkle as she passed Tom, "I'm telling B'Elanna," she said in a sing-song voice as she went.

"Tell B'Elanna what?" questioned Phoebe as she popped out of the upstairs bathroom.

"That Tom hit on me," answered Kathryn.

"What can I say," chuckled Tom, "I like pregnant women."

"Gross," laughed Phoebe, dodging her sister's smacks as she passed, "No offence."

"Yeah right!" dismissed Kathryn before she made her way down the stairs. Once she made it to the living room she grinned at Kerin, Kyda and Harry sitting around their large Christmas tree. It was Christmas Eve, the night she had been anticipating. Not only was it her first Christmas home, but it was the night they would put Seven's plan into action.

"Come on mama," called out Kyda, "I got a present for you!"

Pulling herself from her thoughts Kathryn moved forward and took a seat next to her mother, "Alright, why don't you pass them out," she instructed.

Harry read each label to Kerin and Kyda and they took them around, laughing as the dodged Tom's grasping hands each time they neared him. Once they'd finished they themselves were each surrounded by a small mound of gifts. Eyeing Kathryn, Phoebe grinned, "Now we have a rule here in the Janeway house," she spoke up, gaining everyone's attention, "No one can open anything until mom call's it and that's never a minute before seven."

"And then?" asked Kerin.

"Then you tare in as fast as you can!" exclaimed Phoebe.

At that Kerin and Kyda both turned to look expectantly at their grandmother, this made Gretchen smile before she looked to her watch. As the second hand slipped past the twelve she looked up, "Alright," she said, "Go ahead."

Everyone dug in enthusiastically and soon the floor was covered in paper. When Tom's comm link sounded he stood before he excused himself, Kathryn couldn't help but watch after him. The smile on his face when he returned brought her hopes up, "What is it Tom?" she questioned.

"They caught the guy," exclaimed Tom, "With our information, everyone's being released. They'll all be home tomorrow night."

….

When the big door opened Chakotay stood to watch Admiral Paris enter. "Mr. Chakotay," he called as he came to a stop outside of the force field, "I'm happy to tell you, by this time tomorrow you'll be home."

"So you finally figured out that we're not guilty in here?" scoffed Chakotay.

"I've always known," corrected Admiral Paris, "Now, as long as you don't cause any problems, I'm going to release all of the force fields in here and lock the big door when I leave."

As Admiral Paris left the brig door locked and the force felids dropped, "A, Chakotay?" questioned B'Elanna.

"Stay where you all are," responded Chakotay, "Something about this doesn't feel right."

….

Once everyone had either left for the night or went to bed Kathryn found herself alone in the office. Even after all of their work this just felt all wrong to her, like they had been missing something. Giving into her feelings she began to go over everything again. This time finding a line of information that had went un-noticed before. Where it lead had Kathryn's mind racing.

It couldn't be him.

A clod breeze on her back made her shiver before she frowned. It was the middle of winter and she was sure she hadn't opened a window. Turning in the chair she sat in her eyes widened as they landed on a dark figure.

She opened her mouth, intent to scream.

The figure lunged.

In moments the office was empty.

….

A/N : I had thought I could see the light at the end of this story, though this bad guy mess decided to play itself harder than I had anticipated. Any of you reading this think you know who the bad guy is? He jumped out at me and forced me to write him in. Now I'm thinking of bad things for him…

Just one question, when you start dreaming about a story is it all over for you? This one has really got me and I'm not sure I'll ever escape!


	12. 12

Regaining consciousness Kathryn groaned as she tugged at her arms, bound behind her back. Stilling her movements she opened her eyes to find herself in a small wooden room.

"Ah, she's awake," called a voice.

Turning her head Kathryn attempted to see the person in the room with her, "What's going on?" she questioned, "What do you want? Whatever it is I'll get it for you."

"Oh, captain," called the voice, "You can't take back the information you've dug up."

At this Kathryn realized who was with her, "Please, I won't tell anyone," she tried to deal.

"I wish it were that simple," chided the voice, "But you are your father's daughter. Always drawn to do the right thing."

Looking up to him she struggled to sit up, "When they find me gone they'll figure out the same thing I did."

"That may be," he said thoughtfully, "That may be, but I do believe I'll take my chances."

As a cloth covered her mouth Kathryn gave a strangled cry before she was plunged into unconsciousness once more.

….

Chakotay had been right when he had told everyone to stay in their cells. When guards entered to release them, they seemed extremely surprised to find the cells open. Though the fact that their prisoners had remained in place had gained them some points and they had been on their way only twelve hours after they had been told they would be released.

Chakotay was on a transport to Indiana with B'Elanna and several others only minutes after they had walked away free. He had a feeling something was wrong and the people around him could feel his unease, making them want to go with their commanding officer to find out why.

When they made it to the old farm house his chest tightened at the sight of several security vehicles parked in the lane. "Oh, god," breathed Chakotay as he bolted from the vehicle, "Kathryn!" he shouted, bounding up the front steps, "Kathryn!"

Phoebe burst from the kitchen, barely managing to stop Chakotay's momentum, "She's not here!" she cried out.

Chakotay barely cast her a glance before he moved her from his path and rushed further into the house. Stopping just inside the door B'Elanna eyed the woman before her, "What's going on?" she questioned.

Eyes narrowing Phoebe frowned, "Who are you?" she asked, her tone snipped. She'd had about enough of people tromping through her home.

"I'm the last person you're going to see if you don't tell me where my captain is!" threatened B'Elanna.

Phoebe seemed to debate this a moment before she gave a slow nod, "You must be B'Elanna, Tom's wife," she finally said. The glare she received had her placing her hands on her hips, "I'm Phoebe, Kathryn's sister," she introduced herself.

"Not to be rude," began B'Elanna, "But right now all I want to know is where she is."

Phoebe tried not to take offence as she cleared her throat, "She never went to bed last night. There is no sign that anyone entered and the snow we had last night… well," she explained.

"You mean she's gone?" asked B'Elanna, "Just gone?"

"That's about it. With no security update on this place sense it was built, we have nothing," said Phoebe, "She could have left or someone could have taken her, your guess is as good as mine."

Rolling her eyes B'Elanna heaved a sigh, "Do you at least have a tricorder?" she asked, her mind already working through several ways to find her captain.

Frowning Phoebe ducked through a doorway, returning with a tricorder, "What are you…"

"Shh," insisted B'Elanna as she took the tricorder, opening the back she snagged a small tool from a passing tec and began to make adjustments. Once she finished she looked back to Phoebe, "Where's the last place you know she was?" she questioned.

"In the office," responded Phoebe as she pointed, "But the officers in there won't let anyone else in."

"Let them try to stop me," dismissed B'Elanna, "Chell, Dalby, Jackson with me. Doyle, Jarvin check the perimeter, find what these ^officers^ haven't trampled over."

As they all split to do as they were told Gretchen appeared at Phoebe's side, "Who was that?" she asked.

"Tom's wife," answered Phoebe, "I think I like her."

….

When she awoke again Kathryn found herself alone in the small room. With some effort she managed to move herself against a wall, using it to sit up. As she looked around herself she became aware of just how cold she was, only clad in her light dress from Christmas Eve. "Okay, think Kathryn," she commanded herself as her breath created clouds in front of her. She knew she had to keep warm though scanning her surroundings she could see nothing to help her. "Come on," she breathed, "There has to be something I can do."

As she tried to think she found herself becoming confused and it scared her that her mind wasn't working the way it should. She vaguely remembered her father warning her of the risk of Hypothermia when she'd been a child, though she had always dismissed him, sure she would never be without her technology. Now that she was without the things she was accustomed to she racked her mind trying to remember what she had been told. It started with shivering, that she had and mental confusion, again she believed she was suffering from that.

Though the need to use the bathroom to empty her bladder had her confused, unsure if she actually had to go or if it were her body trying to get rid of another thing it had to try to keep warm.

Before she could figure it out the door to the room opened, letting in a gust of frigid air, making her shrink back against the wall. Looking up she watched as he closed the door before taking a seat across from her on a small bench. "Now what?" she questioned, "You here to finish me off?"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic," he scoffed, "It was you who got yourself into this situation."

"Oh yes," said Kathryn, finding it hard to keep sarcasm from her voice, "I asked for my crew to be imprisoned. Then I thought to myself, wouldn't it be fun to be kidnapped as well?"

"And here I was going to offer you a warm drink," he said, his voice matching her sarcasm.

Narrowing her eyes Kathryn gave a huff, "A blanket would be better."

Sighing he shook his head, "Well, times up," he said as he stood and took a step closer to her, a smile claiming his lips as she tried to back away from him, "Where do you think you're going?" he asked.

Unable to put more distance between her and her kidnapper, Kathryn gave a startled cry when he reached out, taking hold of her upper arm. As he pulled her up she couldn't help but fall into him as her ankles were bound. Straightening her he bent down, cutting the rope around her ankles before pulling her to the door and out.

Stepping out into the snow covered terrain Kathryn squinted against the sunlight and the large snowflakes that pelted her with the help of the icy air. Taking staggered steps as he pulled her along she looked wildly around herself, catching only a glance of the small building she had been in. Her mind instantly made a connection, it was an ice fishing shack that men mounted so they could push it from ice to land with ease.

….

The security teams had long sense left, declaring that there was nothing there for them to find and that if they received a ransom demand they should contact them. The newly freed Maquis though had stayed, Doyle and Jarvin prowling around the house endlessly in their roles as security for the Janeway clan, while the others worked inside.

After the house had been cleared and Tom had brought her some tools B'Elanna had been victorious, finding residual energy from a source unknown to either Phoebe or Gretchen. It had lead them out an office window to a field nearly a mile away where they found a small cloaking device in the snow. "It looks like it was used to conceal whatever was there," said B'Elanna thoughtfully as she took it apart.

"But what?" asked Jackson.

"I'm guessing a shuttle," spoke up Harry.

"I do not believe that is correct," said Seven evenly, "There is no Ion trail, no trail at all that can be followed."

"Stop being narrow minded," sighed B'Elanna, "Whatever was there was smaller than a shuttle. It was something more like a transport vehicle."

"But there were no tracks," put in Tom with a frown.

"With the snow we had last night and today, you could take a half hour walk and when you turned around your tracks would be as good as gone," explained Phoebe, "We're going to have to come up with something other than tracks."

Tom nodded before his frown deepened, "Where's Chakotay?" he questioned.

At this the Doctor finally spoke up, "I believe he's trying to sleep," he said simply.

"Sleep?" asked Tom, "How can he sleep at a time like this?"

"He can't" came Chakotay's gruff voice, "Look, the virus from New Earth connected Kathryn and I. We share dreams."

"Nothing helping?" questioned the Doctor.

"No," sighed Chakotay, "I'm just so cold."

"Cold?" asked Phoebe, "Chakotay, it's got to be topping seventy-five degrees in here."

Looking thoughtful the Doctor stood and ran a tricorder over Chakotay's body, "Your body temperature is normal," he reported before he locked eyes with the man standing before him, "Have you thought that it's not you that's cold but the captain?"

At this Chakotay gave a shiver, "Then she's really clod," he sighed, "So cold. What if she's lying out there in the snow? She could be…"

"Don't even think it!" snapped B'Elanna, "We're going to find her."

"If you can feel what she feels then she's alive," assured the Doctor, "Why don't we try something?"

Nodding Chakotay sat, "I'll try anything," he said.

"I need everyone to remain quiet," instructed the Doctor, "Now commander, it is your mind that is connected to the captain the strongest. I want you to close your eyes and think of her. Think of an invisible tether connecting you together…" pausing he watched as Chakotay followed his instructions, "Now, use that tether as though it were a line of communication."

….

Kathryn had only been lead through the snow for a short time before he had forced her to sit down in a clearing where he tied her ankles together once more, "Can't have you making a run for it," he said.

She knew she couldn't have run anywhere, no matter how bad she wanted to. Her shaking had become so sever it was almost as though her body were convulsing. "What are you going to do to me?" she asked as he stood over her.

"I don't have to do anything," he said dismissively, "By my calculations and by the look of you I'd say hypothermia is setting in pretty well now." He smiled as he rubbed his hands together, "Why don't you just lie down and go to sleep? That way you won't suffer to bad."

"Why don't you go shoot yourself?" growled Kathryn through the chattering of her teeth.

At that he chuckled, "The Janeway spirit won't save you this time." Turning he walked several steps away before he looked back to her, "Goodbye Katie."

As he left Kathryn watched after him only a moment before she struggled to her knees. With slow, stumbled movements she made her way to the cover of some dense trees, her bare knees finding every sharp stone and stick hidden in the snow, making her fall several times before she finally made it to some minimal cover.

As she lay back she fought her urge to cry, it wouldn't help anything. "Chakotay!" she chattered, "I need you."

….

Chakotay's eyes sprang open, "Kathryn?" he questioned aloud, "Kathryn can you hear me?" Everyone looked to him as though he were insane until he looked to Phoebe, "She says she's by water and there are small ice fishing houses."

Brow furrowing Phoebe leaned forward, "She has to be more specific. Men ice fish around here all the time."

Squeezing his eyes closed Chakotay concentrated on his connection, "Kathryn, you have to think. What do you see? I detail?" he questioned. Silent a moment his breath hitched, "Wood, the ice fishing houses were made of wood… And the water, it's not large but it's moving…" fading off he clenched his hands into fists, "Stay with me Kathryn!" he insisted before he slumped back, his eyes opening, "I can't hear her now…"

….

A/N : This chapter was written in record time, started after I posted the last. Hope the next goes so well. So do you think they'll get to her in time? Who is this bad guy? And Kathryn and Chakotay can communicate without dreams now? Why was Chakotay able to hear her then not so suddenly?

Well that's a good amount to questions for me to solve, let me know what you think… I love comments and I received a very nice one for chappy 11, maybe the reason this one was finished so fast. Who knows? hehe


	13. 13

A/N : Wow! Those of you who did comment have called out Owen Paris as the bad guy! Though Jcat30 has also questioned his motivation in crossing the crew of Voyager… so why not read on and find out if I've given you all the answer.

….

After nearly an hour Phoebe had begun to pace as she contacted several men in the area, inquiring as to who still used wood for their ice fishing shacks. So far they had all declined to knowing, claiming they themselves used pre-fabricated shacks or force fields to keep their warmth in the hours they spent fishing. B'Elanna had accessed the office computer, going over the information that had been gathered about the person responsible. As she had needed something to keep her from biting heads off.

Dropping her arms to her sides Phoebe resisted her urge to scream, "No one in this damned state knows anything!" she exclaimed.

"What about Mr. Bellford?" questioned Gretchen, "If memory serves me right, He lives in one of those community's that insist on doing it as it had been, no techno."

Nodding Phoebe lifted her link and attempted to reach Mr. Bellford. As she moved off to another room Chakotay looked off out of a window, "It's going to get dark soon…" he sighed, "If we don't find her…"

"If you start being negative I'm going to have to go to drastics!" spoke up Tom, "We're going to find her and when we do you had better put the biggest smile on your face and let her know everything will be alright."

"I'm not sure about that," said B'Elanna as she exited the office, "I've been going over that information… and it looks like you either missed or ignored a very big connection to all of this."

"I missed nothing," declared Seven, "My ability to…"

"We all know what your ability is seven," dismissed B'Elanna, "All I'm saying is, a lot of this leads me to believe that the person responsible is… Owen Paris, your dad Tom."

Tom's mouth dropped open, "That's not possible," he said softly, "I know he was never the nicest dad… but he would never do something like this."

Mutely B'Elanna handed a padd to Tom, as he read she dropped her hands to his shoulders, "I'm sorry," she sighed.

"No!" declared Tom as he stood, pulling out his link. Placing it to his ear he scanned the faces surrounding him, "Mom," he finally said once his call was answered, "Is dad there?" there was a pause before he nodded, said good-bye and dropped his arm, "He's not home… hasn't been sense yesterday afternoon."

Before anyone could react to Tom's information Phoebe burst into the room, "Mr. Bellford says the only place in the state where they use wood is on Yellow Wood Lake, about eleven miles outside of Bloomington!" she exclaimed.

Without a word Chakotay leapt to his feet and rushed for the door, The Doctor on his heels clinging a med kit, "I'm coming with you commander," he declared.

Chakotay only nodded as he scooped up a couple blankets on the move and was out the door.

….

When they got to Yellow Wood Lake they stopped near a grouping of wooden fishing shacks. Chakotay's throat tightened as he scanned the white terrain before him. How could he find her in all of this? The lake wasn't huge, though it was large enough that to search all the way around it would take far too long. Tucking the blankets he held under his arm he took a deep breath and cupped his hands around his mouth, "Kathryn!" he shouted.

Pulling out a tricorder the Doctor began to turn in a circle as he scanned the area, in only moments he stopped, "There's a heat signature coming from that direction," he said as he pointed off, away from the wooden shacks and road.

Not needing more Chakotay took off at a run, leaving the Doctor in his tracks. As he ran he scanned the white before him for anything that didn't look to belong. In moments he could hear the sound of running water, getting louder with each passing second. He was sure he had to be getting closer, though he didn't want to slow his pace, making him nearly miss her lying under some trees, partially covered in snow.

Coming to an intended complete stop he slid in the snow as he changed direction. Making it to her side he dropped to his knees, brushing the snow from her face, "Come on Kathryn," he sighed, "This isn't how it ends."

Kathryn's mind refused to work and no matter what she tried she couldn't turn her head toward the voice speaking to her, "Ca-ca-col-d," she managed to enunciate.

Chakotay's breath left him in a whoosh at Kathryn's chattered word. Knowing she was alive he quickly unbound her arms and ankles as the Doctor dropped down next to him, "She's alive," said Chakotay, "She spoke."

Pulling out a medical tricorder the Doctor scanned Kathryn, "Internal temperature at seventy-six degrees," he said as he dropped the tricorder to prepare a hypo spray, "Sever hypothermia, get those blankets around her commander!"

Nodding Chakotay began to unfold a blanket and wrap it around Kathryn's back, when her eyes snapped open and she began to fight against him, Chakotay struggled to keep her from knocking the blanket from herself. "Kathryn, stop!' he insisted.

Shaking her head Kathryn struggled for breath as her mind struggled to make sense of the situation, an irrational fear claiming her as she tried fight against the hands holding her.

"Hold her still commander!" insisted the Doctor, "Irrational behavior is a part of sever hypothermia, if we don't get her warm soon…"

Not needing to hear the rest of The Doctors ominous words Chakotay pulled Kathryn tightly to his chest, against her fighting, holding her still long enough for the Doctor to administer the hypo spray. As soon as he finished Chakotay scooped Kathryn up and stood, rushing back to the warm transport as fast as he could.

….

"What do you mean she's in the hospital?" he questioned.

"Just like I said, you should have killed her like I told you to… Instead of leaving her there… hoping she would freeze to death."

"They couldn't have found her!"

"They did, now you have to do something about this!"

….

Pacing the hall of the Indiana hospital B'Elanna wrung her hands together. As soon as Chakotay had contacted them to tell them they had found Kathryn and were taking her to the hospital they had rushed there. Gretchen and Phoebe had gone off to hover over the doctors while the others had stayed in the waiting room with the children. Thinking of them B'Elanna looked into the waiting room where Harry was playing a game with Kerin on the floor and Ayala and Jarvin occupied Kyda and Miral.

Knowing they were fine she continued with her pacing. If anything… permanent happened to Kathryn, she would kill her father-in-law once she got her hands on him.

"B'Elanna," called Chakotay as he made his way down the hall toward her.

Pausing her murderess thought's B'Elanna turned, "How is she?" she asked.

"It was touch and go for a while," responded Chakotay as he came to a stop in front of her, "But she's stable now, the Doctor says she and the baby will be fine."

Blowing out a deeply held breath B'Elanna nodded, "Thank god," she sighed, "I didn't want to have to kill Owen, but if you're new had been anything but good… I would have."

Chakotay nodded, "Have you found him?" he asked.

"Chell, Doyle and Jackson are trying to track him down as we speak," answered B'Elanna, "We'll find him, but for now… there's two little someone's that need their daddy."

Without a word Chakotay entered the waiting room, his eyes roaming over everyone there. Clearing his throat he gained their attention, "The Doctor said that Kathryn and the baby will be fine," he reported before he turned his attention to Kerin and Kyda, "How would you two like to go and see Mama?"

Kerin leapt to his feet, "Yeah!" he exclaimed.

Sliding from Jackson's lap Kyda moved to her father's side, "Mama sleeping?" she asked as she took his hand.

"No," answered Chakotay, "She's awake. But you still need to be quiet and clam. Mama's not feeling to well."

Kyda nodded before she looked to her brother, "You be quiet," she instructed.

This made Chakotay smile, "Alright, let's go."

When they entered the room Gretchen smiled to them, "Hey you," she said.

"Shh," hushed Kyda, "Mama not feel good."

"I'm okay baby," called Kathryn weakly. Reaching out her arms she beckoned them closer, "Come here and give me a hug."

Doing as they were told Kerin and Kyda moved to the side of the bed, allowing Chakotay and Phoebe to lift them up. Snuggling to their mother's side they each sighed in contentment. "Love you mama" whispered Kerin.

"Me to mama," agreed Kyda.

"And I love you both," said Kathryn as she planted a kiss to the tops of each of their heads.

Reaching a hand out Kyda placed it on Kathryn's stomach, "My baby?" she asked.

"The baby's fine to," assured Kathryn, "All safe and warm in mommy's belly."

That seemed to put Kyda at ease as she yawned and rubbed her face against her mother's side. Chakotay smiled at the view before him as he took a seat at the foot of the bed, "This is a Kodak moment if I ever saw one," he said lightly.

Looking to him Kathryn smiled, "you pull a holo capture out and I will have to hurt you," she said simply.

Raising his hands Chakotay gave a chuckle, "No holo here," he said, "but this image will forever be in my mind."

"You keep images of my sister and your children in that dirty thing?" scoffed Phoebe.

"And that's our cue to step out," spoke up Gretchen, ""Join me in the cafeteria Phoebe?"

"No I think…" fading off Phoebe caught her mother's eyes, "… that I would like to join you in the cafeteria."

Giving a knowing smile Gretchen gave Chakotay's shoulder a pat, "You just let us know when you'd like us to take the children home."

Nodding mutely Chakotay nodded before he turned back to Kathryn, Kerin and Kyda no sleeping against her side. "We'll give your mom enough time to have a cup of coffee, and then I'll call her back and have her take the kid's home."

"Over my dead body," exclaimed Kathryn, "I didn't think I'd ever get to see them again. Not to mention they're keeping my sides extremely warm."

"I could do that to," countered Chakotay, "I'm a little jealous."

Smiling slyly Kathryn rolled her eyes, "Don't be." She insisted, "And get over here and give me a kiss."

Smiling now Chakotay rose from his place and kissed Kathryn soundly before he pulled back, "Wow," he breathed, "I think I need another."

As he leaned in for another kiss Kathryn chuckled against his lips, "Careful, I'm in a hospital bed here…"

"And you're not even complaining about it," agreed Chakotay as he straightened, "Do I need to call the doctor? Something must really be wrong with you."

"I finally admit to not being invincible and I get grief?" questioned Kathryn, an amused tone in her voice.

"No grief," corrected Chakotay as he stole another kiss before he dropped down into the chair Gretchen had vacated. "That was simply me making an observation."

"Well played," yawned Kathryn.

"Thank you," Chakotay accepted her words, "Now why don't you close your eyes and rest?"

Stretching her back Kathryn yawned again, "And what will you do?"

"I'll just sit here, enjoying the silence as I watch you sleep," replied Chakotay as he settled back in the chair.

Eyes remaining closed Kathryn frowned, "I'm not sure if I should find that creepy or not," she murmured.

"Not," assured Chakotay, "I do it out of love and to assure myself you're really here."

"Oh, I'm here," breathed Kathryn before she dozed off.

Chakotay simply smiled.

….

A/N: Well… Not sure what to say, I don't want to give the story away, though it seems you all know what I am up to before I do… it seems. Let's just see how this all plays out, shall we?


	14. 14

A/N: Alright! Now I have people commenting against the bad guy being Owen. A differed stance, I like it! So I pose a question to you as you read this chapter… Who do you think the bad guy could be?

….

Kathryn had remained in the hospital for nearly a week at the Doctor's insistence. She had taken it as well as she could, not wanting to do anything to endanger her child. Though once she was home she was all smiles, happy to be with her family, where every night she was able to tuck her children into bed and sleep in Chakotay's arms. Though she had to admit the worry she felt was nicely masked by Chakotay's feeling of joy, relief and contentment.

She liked it that way.

She had been home for several weeks and she fought with her irrational fear that she couldn't be safe, at least until Chakotay took her into his arms. When he couldn't hold her they would work on their lucid connection, making leaps and bounds with it. Standing on the back porch Kathryn smiled at the connections they shared when she felt the now ever familiar shift in her emotions.

"So," began Chakotay as he wrapped his arms around Kathryn's waist, "I was thinking… I mean you're officially having my baby and all. Maybe we should make this official."

Kathryn's heart skipped a beat as she fought to catch up, "What do you mean…"

"White dress, big cake and an expensive reception," said Chakotay' the depth in his eyes giving away the intensity of his words.

"Chakotay," said Kathryn, barely able to catch her breath, "Spell it out for me."

"Will you marry me?" he asked instantly, a wide grin spreading across his face.

Kathryn wanted to answer, but something held her back, despite the pure happiness running through her body, "Do you only want to marry me because of the baby?"

At this Chakotay turned her in his arms so he could look into her eyes, "I love you Kathryn, baby or no baby; I was going to ask you when we got back here to earth."

"I…" Kathryn still found herself hesitating, she wanted so badly to say yes, but, "We've never talked about marriage."

Chakotay was beginning to look worried, "Do you not want this?"

"No, I do," Kathryn winced at her choice of words, "It's just… I guess maybe… I just imagined it differently."

"You wanted a nice meal, a tux and a diamond ring?" asked Chakotay trying to lighten the mood.

"No," she replied quickly, "I don't know what I was imagining."

At this Chakotay kissed her gently, "If you're not ready Kathryn, that's alright."

Kathryn dropped her eyes, trying to sort her emotions from his. On one hand she was thrilled, and on the other she'd had two failed engagements, if anything happened…

At her lack of words Chakotay lifted her chin, "Kathryn," he said, waiting for her to look at him before he continued, "I don't care if we get married. Like it or not, you're stuck with me for life."

At his words Kathryn felt tears prick at her eyes, "Then why did you ask me?"

"I thought that's what women wanted… A wedding before a baby." Chakotay shrugged looking sheepish, "Not that I don't want to be married… but it's not an ultimatum."

Smiling now Kathryn eyed Chakotay, she knew he loved her and she loved him, so why was she depriving herself of the fairytale in front of her? So what if it was a little out of order, it wasn't their style to be conventional, "We'll have to wait until we catch this guy."

"Spell it out for me Kathryn," whispered Chakotay.

"Yes," said Kathryn firmly, "I will marry you."

Grinning Chakotay pulled her close and kissed her soundly. As they parted he rested his forehead against hers, "you had me worried there for a minute."

Kathryn chuckled, "Blame the hormones."

….

"…No, don't worry mom. I'm sure he was just called away on some top secret business," eased Tom, "We're looking into it, we'll find him."

At Tom closed his link B'Elanna straightened her back, "Your mom still doesn't know where your dad is?" she asked.

"No," responded Tom. Crossing the office he pointed to the computer, "Have you found anything?"

"No," yawning B'Elanna looked across the room, "Anyone else find anything?" she questioned.

Everyone shook their heads. They had been searching for Owen Paris ever sense B'Elanna had found the connection to him in everything that was happening and they had yet to find even a trace of him. This didn't sit well with any of them, especially Chakotay, who had become extremely diligent in keeping Kathryn, Kerin and Kyda safe. He'd be damned if he let anything happen to them.

Entering the office Kathryn eyed her crew, every one of them hunched over the work they were lost in. "It's after two in the morning," she pointed out, gaining their attention. "If you all drop from exaction, who am I supposed to get to help then?"

Smiling Harry set his work aside, "Oh, I don't know. Maybe some of the over one hundred other crewmen?" he joked.

"How could you even suggest such a thing?" questioned Tom, as though he'd been hurt by Harry's words. "Are you going to say that we're not the best next?" As Harry's skeptic look Tom placed a hand over his heart, "You wound me."

"No he doesn't," corrected B'Elanna, "But I will if I have to listen to the two of you go at it again."

Taking in the conversation around her Seven took a deep breath, "A break would only increase our productivity once we returned to our work," she pointed out.

"We should listen to the blond," joked Ayala, "I for one really need to head home and sort out something's. I don't know about you but I didn't expect this to take so long."

"None of us did," agreed B'Elanna. Looking to Kathryn she sighed, "Is Miral in the kid's room?"

"Yeah," responded Kathryn, "You and Tom can have the couch in here tonight so you don't have to wake her. It folds out."

Nodding Tom stretched, "You heard the captain," he yawned, "Get your butts out of my temporary bedroom."

In minutes everyone that was leaving was gone and Kathryn made her way to her bedroom. As she closed the door behind her she tried to be as quiet as she could. Crossing the room she shed her robe before climbing into the bed. Shifting herself to her side she jerked as an arm was draped over her waist. "Sorry," murmured Chakotay against her neck.

"It's alright," breathed Kathryn as she snuggled back against him, "I only thought you were sleeping, so you surprised me is all."

Nodding Chakotay closed his eyes, though after a while he realized Kathryn's breathing hadn't changed, she wasn't sleeping. "What's the matter?" he questioned.

"Nothing," dismissed Kathryn.

Frowning Chakotay shifted before turning Kathryn onto her back, "No, it's not nothing," he insisted, "Your mind has been working overtime for weeks and you obviously have something on it. So spit it out."

Sighing Kathryn looked to him, "I just feel like we're missing something," she finally said, "I know the man that talked to me… I know who he is, but I can't remember… Just passing thoughts of what he said… and I just don't feel like its Owen."

Chakotay's frown deepened, "You seem sure of this," he said slowly.

"Positive," responded Kathryn without hesitation.

"Have you told the others?"

No, Owen is missing and we have to find him. If anything to clear his name or convict him," insisted Kathryn, "He's the one that pulled me into this whole situation."

"He could have done that so he'd know if you got to close," pointed out Chakotay.

"No I don't think so," said Kathryn thoughtfully, "But it is possible I suppose."

"Who do you think it is?"

"Blowing out a heavy breath Kathryn gave a shrug, "I can't remember," she said, her voice giving a quiver, "Chakotay, I know who's doing this and I can't even remember… WHY can't I remember?!"

"Don't do this to yourself," eased Chakotay as Kathryn began to cry, "You didn't have a say in any of this."

"I did, I could have said, no," wept Kathryn, "I could have stayed out of this whole mess and none of this would have happened… I wish we were back in the delta quadrant…"

"Kathryn," cut in Chakotay, "You could have been set up… you could be a target."

"I don't think so," disagreed Kathryn, "I remember him telling me to go to sleep, so I wouldn't suffer and he sounded regretful."

"Then what do you think is going on?" questioned Chakotay to continue her line of thinking.

"I don't know… yet," breathed Kathryn deep in thought, "But I think we have to go higher in the chain of command… even higher then Owen."

At this Chakotay nodded, "Then that's what we'll do," he said before stilling a kiss, "Tomorrow."

Smiling lightly Kathryn nodded, "Alright," she agreed as she curled herself in against his chest, closing her eyes.

"Good," sighed Chakotay as he placed a kiss to her forehead before closing his eyes as well.

….

The next day everyone was awake early, as the children had awoken before the sun. Gretchen smiled as she worked over her stove, making breakfast for everyone as Kathryn and Phoebe moved around the kitchen as they prepared the little things, a routine preset from childhood.

B'Elanna grinned at the scene before her as Kerin and Kyda zig zaged through, looking so like the three older Janeway's. Nearing four years old Kyda was really beginning to look like Kathryn, it was astonishing, "I wasn't this," she finally exclaimed.

"What?" questioned Kathryn as she looked up from buttering some toast.

"This, said B'Elanna as she motioned around herself, "A mom and sister to cook with and a couple kids running through."

"I've got this," said Tom as he entered, "My mom is your mom and if you had a sister you would probably fight more than anything. As for the kids thing, well, one down, one to go."

Swatting at her husband B'Elanna smiled, "Okay, okay," she said, "I get it, I have a good life… now."

"I can help you make up some of your childhood," spoke up Gretchen.

"How?" questioned B'Elanna.

"And she walked right in to that one," exclaimed Phoebe as she mixed the fruit salad.

Gretchen couldn't help but smile, "Phoebe Marie you mind your task," she said before looking to B'Elanna, "And you, plates and cups are in that cabinet, cutlery in the draw below."

"You mean set the table?" questioned B'Elanna.

"No, I mean juggle," chuckled Gretchen, "Of course set the table. Breakfast will be done in about five minutes."

Grinning Kathryn set her work down, "I'll help you," she said, "Tom, spell me and finish the toast."

"But," Tom began to complain.

"Butts are for sitting," called Gretchen, "If your hands aren't broken then get your, butt to work."

As everyone laughed Tom begrudgingly set to work on the toast where Kathryn had left off. In minutes everyone was seated, enjoying their meal, Kerin and Kyda finishing in record time before being excused to go play. This left the adults.

Taking a drinking of the tea her mother had forced upon her Kathryn eyed the people around her, "I think we need to discuss this…" fading off she sighed, "This mess."

Looking to her B'Elanna frowned, "Did you find some new information?"

"You could say that," replied Kathryn, "I've been thinking for weeks, trying to remember anything and everything I can about when I was taken."

"No one expects you to relive that Katie," eased Gretchen.

"I know mom," sighed Kathryn, "But I'm the only one who came face to face with this guy… If I could only remember…"

Leaning forward in her seat B'Elanna watched Kathryn's face, "You wouldn't have brought this up unless you remembered something," she pointed out, "What is it?"

"Nothing as tangible as we need to identify him," said Kathryn, "Only little things really, like I know him and… no matter how hard I try to get myself to believe it, I just don't think it was Owen."

"You mean my dad may not be responsible for any of this?" questioned Tom. At Kathryn's nod he sighed, "Then where is he?"

"I wish I could answer that," breathed Kathryn, "I didn't want to tell anyone about this, but…"

"I asked her to at least tell you," finished Chakotay.

"Whether he's guilty or not… we have to find him. He holds more information than even he may know." Explained Kathryn, "We need to keep this all to ourselves and keep everyone else focused on finding him for now."

Tom nodded, "I understand…" he said, "Just… If you can't remember, how do you know it's not him?"

At this Kathryn's mind flashed back to the wooden fishing shack. She was so cold and the light from the open door had her squinting, only able to make out her kidnappers silhouette, "He was thin," she said lightly, "Younger… It couldn't have been Owen… I just know it."

"And we believe you," said B'Elanna, "So let's get to this… Tom you keep everyone on task finding your father. I'll be with the captain in the office, running searches." With that everyone stood, Phoebe and Chakotay clearing away the dishes as Kathryn and B'Elanna made their way to the office.

….

A/N: Kathryn's memory is beginning to come back to her, but will it be in time before someone gets hurt?


	15. 15

They had searched and searched through the upper ranks of the federation for days on end, going over every piece of information on every man in power. Kathryn had been staring at padd after padd until her vision blurred and her eyes crossed. "None of them seem right," she sighed as she sagged back against the office couch, "I don't know any of them, at least not personally enough for them to call me Katie rather than Captain Janeway."

Now at thirty-nine weeks her stomach had grown, finding her struggling to stand and occupying the bathroom more often than not. The Doctor was worried that her stomach was still not as large as it should have been for as far along as she was, though he assured her that the baby was fine. Rubbing her stomach Kathryn blew out a breath, "We have to be missing something."

"But what?" questioned B'Elanna, "You're positive it was a man that took you and that he knows you well. But whoever he is doesn't seem to be on any list we've put together."

"I know," sighed Kathryn, "Everything we find continues to lead back to Owen."

"That has to be a set up," groaned B'Elanna, "I just wish whoever it is wasn't so smart. I mean it's like he's writing a story, like every road leads to Rome and Rome is Owen."

"Well if that isn't philosophical then I don't know what is," said Chakotay as he entered the office, "We've got a lead on Owen. He was seen in Italy three weeks ago, they say he was coming from a known top secret federation building."

"So Tom was right? He'd simply been called away on top secret business?" questioned B'Elanna.

"We don't know for sure," responded Chakotay, "After that there's no sign of him. It's like he dropped off the planet."

"Maybe he did leave planet," put in Kathryn, "It is possible that whatever business he was on could have taken him off planet."

"We're looking into it," assured Chakotay, "Have you two found anything?"

"You mean other than a searing red question mark?" scoffed B'Elanna, "No, we keep coming to everything leading back to Owen."

Shaking his head Chakotay took a seat next to Kathryn, "There has to be another way at looking into this,: he said matter-of-factly, "Okay, let's start at the beginning. The debriefing was a set up to imprison us, but the end of Kathryn's debriefing had Owen asking her to figure all of this out, telling her there was trouble in the federation and that we were being set up. Then the kidnapping, just as we're being released, Owen is seen at our holding cells as Kathryn is taken. The man who takes her she believes she knows and he calls her Katie, solidifying her feeling." Pausing he looked up from his thoughts, "Maybe someone was hired."

"We've looked into it," responded B'Elanna, "Owen didn't hire anyone."

"Maybe someone else did?" questioned Chakotay.

Eyes widening Kathryn sat up, "It could be a woman… we've been looking at the women and getting nowhere." She thought aloud.

"Maybe it's as simple as the person she/he hired knows you," said B'Elanna, "You did say he was younger."

"Then let's go over the women," said Chakotay, "They're half of our suspect candidates and we've completely ignored them… until now."

"Well," sighed B'Elanna as she turned to the computer, "Back to the grind."

"Not for me," yawned Kathryn, "I'm tired, my back hurts from this couch and I have to go to the bathroom again."

This mad B'Elanna smile, "I do not miss any of that," she chuckled lightly.

Rolling her eyes Kathryn awkwardly pushed herself from the couch, "I don't think I'll miss it at all, either," she groaned.

….

She was so tired; everyone told her it was normal for expectant mothers, though she found it to be an extreme disadvantage. She needed to be at the top of her game if she was going to be any help to anyone. Laying in her bed she rubbed her belly gently as she thought, they all thought she was sleeping and she had been, though she couldn't pass up the chance at some silence.

Over the past few days she and B'Elanna had been through file after file on every woman in power in the federation. As they had worked she had experienced flashes of her time kidnapped. She could remember now, the man using a link while he was in the wooden shack with her. He'd been in an argument, one he had lost. She remembered he hadn't wanted to go through with killing her, almost begging the other person to let him make her simply disappear, though the other person had been adamant.

In a flash she could see his back, his hand to his ear, "No," he'd hissed, "It's not like that, I love you…" As the memory flashed to an end she felt her chest tighten, he'd had to assure the person that had hired him that he loved them and… not her.

As the pieces began to fall into place her eyes went wide, she knew who had kidnapped her.

….

It had been far more difficult to get anywhere near the Janeway farm then it had the time before. Two men roamed around the perimeter, though as they moved out of his sight he hurried to the side of the house, climbing to the window he knew had been hers, hoping it still was.

Opening the window slowly he slid inside. Turning to the bed he was just in time to see her sitting up to look at him, "Why?" she asked simply.

Shaking his head he moved closer to her, "I can't answer that," he said softly, "Kathryn… I'm sorry."

"If you were really sorry you wouldn't do this," bit out Kathryn, "Give it up… tell her no."

Clenching his fists to his sides he shook his head again as he came to a stop next to the bed, "It's not that simple…" pausing he heaved a sigh, "My life can never be what it was before… Why did you come back?"

"I've asked myself that same question countless times now," said Kathryn before she looked to the door, the sound of footsteps growing louder, "It's over…"

"No," he growled, "It's not over until I say," as the door opened he wrapped his arms around her, "And that's not now!"

Entering the bedroom Chakotay's eyes widened as he saw a man lean over Kathryn, "No!" he shouted as he lunged forward, but he was too late. By the time he reached the bed she was gone. "B'Elanna!" he shouted, "Bring a tricorder!"

"What is it, is she…" trailing off B'Elanna stared at the empty bed, "Where is she?"

"He was here, he transported her somewhere," explained Chakotay, "Can you find the energy signature? We have to follow it."

….

Kathryn could feel the ever familiar hum of an engine under her feet as she re-materialized. Stumbling ever so slightly she caught herself on the wall behind her before she could fall, "Where are we?" she questioned.

"A constantly moving trans…" he began to reply.

"What are you doing?" snapped a blond woman as she entered the room, "I told you to kill her not bring her back here and talk to her!"

"I didn't have enough time," he explained, "That Maquis was there, and he burst in before I could finish the job."

The blonde's eyes narrowed, "Well, we don't have time at the moment," she said as she eyed Kathryn, "Put her in the storage hold with the other trash."

"But the life support controls are at a minimal back there," he countered.

"And? Maybe she'll do us a favor and expire on her own," dismissed the blonde, "Now do it and get to the cock pit, we'll be landing in San Francisco shortly."

As she exited the room he turned back to Kathryn, without a word he reached out, taking her arm. Letting out a breath of disgust Kathryn jerked her arm from his grasp, "Don't touch me, you spineless good for nothing," she hissed.

Tightening his lips together he motioned her toward a door. As she stepped in front of it he opened it, letting her step inside, "I'm…" he began.

"So help me, if you say you're sorry one more time you will be," growled Kathryn.

At her words he looked deflated before he closed the door, leaving her alone. Turning Kathryn scanned her surroundings to find another way out, though as she spotted an object across the room her heart lurched as she rushed forward, "Owen!" she cried dropping to her knees. One touch to his cheek had her giving a choked sob. His skin was cold, icy to her touch.

Admiral Owen Paris was dead.

….

"I know I've seen that face before," exclaimed Chakotay as he circled the living room, "I just…" stopping in his tracks his eyes locked on a photo on Gretchen's shelf, "there," he declared as he crossed the room, lifting the photo, "Who is this?"

Looking to the photo Gretchen frowned, "That's Mark, Mark Johnson, he was…"

"Kathryn's fiancé seven years ago…" finished Chakotay, "That's why she remembered him and why he called her Katie."

"But he's not in politics," spoke up Phoebe, "He's a philosopher."

"But his wife is in politics," said B'Elanna as she stood with a padd in her hand, "Amelia Louise Tabor-Johnson. She's the next in line for the vice-presidency."

"And that's our connection," declared Harry.

"Sorry Tom," said Chakotay, "I want everyone to find this woman and any property she may have. The Admiral will have to wait."

Tom only nodded as he looked back to the computer in front of him. In moments he looked back up, "I've got her. There's a meeting taking place in San Fran in an hour. She's scheduled to be there."

"What are we waiting for?" questioned Chakotay as he headed for the door, everyone following.

….

As he transport landed Amelia growled, "It's that blasted Voyager crew," she said as she watched them approach the craft. "Take the evidence and get out of here," she ordered.

Nodding Mark turned, making it to the storage hold as the outer transport door opened, he only had seconds. Panic clawing at him he burst into the storage hold, taking Kathryn's arm he jerked her to her feet before he transported her away in the blink of an eye.

….

They had burst into the transport vehicle ready for anything. B'Elanna, Jarvin and Doyle making it to the cock pit as Chakotay and the others began to search for Kathryn. As they moved Tom opened a door, his movement pausing a moment at the sight before him, "I've got something," he called.

Making it to Tom Chakotay burst into the hold, moving quickly he dropped down next to the covered figure. Taking a deep breath he pulled the covers back, expecting the worst. Though when his eyes fell on Owen Paris' lifeless form he couldn't help but feel relief. Looking up to Tom he took a slow breath, "I'm sorry," he said.

Standing over his father Tom swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, "I saw this coming," he said lightly, "I can't say it makes it any easier."

"Now he can have a proper burial," said Chakotay as he stood, placing a supporting hand on Tom's shoulder, "You should tell your mother."

"I will," agreed Tom, "But we have to find the captain first, with any luck it won't be a double burial."

Nodding Chakotay lead Tom from the transport where the others were waiting, holding a furious Amelia, "How dare you treat me this way," she shouted, "Searching my transport and treating me as though I were a common criminal. You have no right."

"We have every right," corrected Chakotay as he looked to the security officers that had begun to surround them, "We found Admiral Paris. He's dead inside of the storage hold of your transport vehicle."

At this Amelia's lips thinned, "That moron," she hissed, "I'm not taking the fall for my stupid husband."

"That's good," said B'Elanna at Amelia's side, "Then you'll have no problem telling us where he took Captain Kathryn Janeway."

Turning a glare to B'Elanna, Amelia's eyes gave a glint of defiance, "How should I know? I haven't seen that idiot for days," she said.

"He was just on that transport," snapped Chakotay "you have control of him, now tell me where she is!"

Watching Amelia lift her chin in defiance B'Elanna fought her urge to pummel the woman, "That's not going to work," she said, "Chakotay she isn't going to tell you."

"She has to!" growled Chakotay.

"No I don't," sneered Amelia.

Tightening her hold on the other woman's arm B'Elanna's eyes narrowed "Let me have some alone time with her," she said as she lead her back to the transport, "Twenty minutes, no one in."

As the transport door closed Jarvin and Doyle took their places outside of it, the Voyager crew holding back the security officers, giving B'Elanna her time.

….


	16. 16

As they re-materialized Mark gave an angry cry as he threw Kathryn to the floor, "If it wasn't for you and your crew everything would be fine!" he shouted, "But now… I had to leave him behind, there was no time and now she's going to kill me!"

Wincing in pain Kathryn pushed herself up, using the couch behind her as leverage, "She'll be in custody by now," she said, "She'll be telling them that it was all your fault, all your idea."

"No," snapped Mark, "She'll never turn on me, she loves me!"

"Does she?" questioned Kathryn.

Marks anger was so enflamed he couldn't rain it in as he spun, smacking Kathryn across the face, "Shut up!" he shouted, "I need to think!"

Blinking against the tears that sprung to her eyes, Kathryn pressed herself back as far from him as she could. Everything he was doing was crumbling at his feet, making him irrational; she had a sinking feeling that he was capable of anything now. As he began to pace she scanned the room she was in, it looked familiar, though the fear clouding her mind kept her from figuring out just where she was.

….

In less than fifteen minutes B'Elanna exited the transport vehicle, pulling a battered and bloody Amelia behind her, "There's two places he could be," she reported as she handed Amelia off to some security officers, "Either his father's old cabin by Lake George or his childhood home. If he's panicking he'll want to go somewhere familiar."

"Where's his childhood home?" questioned Tom.

Looking to the portable device he held Harry quickly called up the address, "Bloomington, Indiana," he reported.

Standing still Chakotay closed his eyes concentrating on his connection with Kathryn, "Come on, talk to me," he murmured, "Kathryn, please be alright."

After a moment B'Elanna came to a stop next to Chakotay, wiping Amelia's blood from her fists, "Anything?" she asked.

Opening his eyes Chakotay shook his head, "I can't get through to her," he said.

"Maybe she can't respond to you," suggested Tom, "Whatever the reason, standing here isn't getting us anywhere."

"You're right," agreed Chakotay, "I'll take Lake George with B'Elanna Tom and the Doctor. You others get to Bloomington."

"Got ya," said Jarvin as he gathered his group and headed for an available transport vehicle.

"We'll transport directly," said Tom as he lead his group to a transport station.

As they stepped onto the transport pad Chakotay again closed his eyes, "If you can hear me… we're coming for you. Just hold on Kathryn.

….

Kathryn could hear Chakotay calling to her, though with all she had she couldn't seem to respond to him. Fighting her urge to cry she tried to concentrate on what Mark murmured before her as he paced. She didn't want to draw hi attention to her, though she wanted to talk to him, to try to get him to understand that what he was doing was wrong.

When he suddenly stopped pacing and turned to her she couldn't help the startled squeak that left her. His eyes were dark and hollow, none of the man she remembered remaining, "Whatever you're thinking," she tried to reason with him, "It isn't going to work."

"It would have," he said, eerily calm, "All I have to do is get rid of you, like she told me to in the first place."

"No," gasped out Kathryn as he lunged toward her. Throwing up her hands she managed to block her throat from his grasp. Though as his anger re-surfaced she couldn't block the wild blows he threw at her. His fists colliding with her anywhere he could land them.

….

"That house there," said Harry as they reached Mark's childhood home.

"Alright then," said Jarvin as they positioned themselves outside of the front door, "On three."

"One… Two…"

….

As she stopped moving he straightened, maybe he'd finally managed his task, maybe she was dead. Looking down on her he held her breath as he watched her chest, trying to see if it were rising and falling.

….

"That's the cabin," said Tom as they neared the wooden structure.

"On the count of three?" questioned B'Elanna.

"Three," growled Chakotay as he kicked the door in.

….

As the door crashed open Mark spun around only an instant before he was knocked to the floor by an oncoming body that felt like a freight train. As he hit the floor he looked up in time to see the man standing over him tense his muscles before he turned.

Entering the cabin Tom and B'Elanna were on Mark only seconds after Chakotay turned form him. To could see his wife clench her fists as she looked down on the man at their feet. "You want a minute with him?" he asked.

Looking to her husband B'Elanna gave a nod before dropping to her knees, Mark's cries of pain ringing out.

Dropping down next to Kathryn Chakotay's breath caught at the sight of the blood covering her, "Doc!" he called. As the Doctor dropped down on Kathryn's other side Chakotay closed his eyes, "Come on Kathryn," he called softly, "You're stronger than this."

"She's alive," breathed the Doctor as he began to prepare a hypospray.

Before the Doctor had a chance to administer the hypospray Kathryn's arms encircled her stomach, a blood curdling scream clawing its way from her throat as her eyes snapped open.

Jerking a moment at her sudden scream Chakotay leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of her face, "Kathryn," he called to her, "You're safe."

Eyes wide Kathryn shook her head, "No," she gasped, "There's something…"

At this the Doctor pulled out his tricorder, scanning her stomach, "There doesn't seem to be…" fading off he slapped the side of his tricorder, "This isn't working."

"The baby!" gasped out Kathryn.

Looking down Chakotay's eyes widened before he moved aside her night dress, pulling back his hand, covered in blood, "She's bleeding," he said, "Why is she bleeding?"

"I can't be sure," responded the Doctor, "Captain, are you in pain?"

Blowing out a breath through clenched teeth, Kathryn nodded. Reaching out she took Chakotay's hand, "Three weeks…" she cried, "I have three more weeks!"

"We've got to go!" declared the Doctor, "We have to get her to a hospital."

…..

When they'd been told Kathryn was in the hospital again, Gretchen and Phoebe rushed with Kerin, Kyda and Miral in tow as fast as they could, only to be stopped in the waiting area and told they couldn't go any further.

It was the longest five hours of their lives lives as they waited. Tom had went home to tell his mother of his father's fate, returning only minutes before Chakotay entered the waiting room, "They're fine," he assured instantly.

"And?" questione Phoebe. At Chakotay's questioning look she sighed, "The baby… It's a…"

"Boy," said Chakotay on a smile, "Six pounds nine ounces, nineteen inches."

At that everyone smiled, the knowledge of the bad guys being caught and a new life being brought into the world safely setting them at ease. "What's his name?" questioned Gretchen.

"We haven't decided," responded Chakotay, "I have to get back, but once visitors are allowed you are all welcome."

….

Back in Kathryn's room Chakotay paced the floor, holding his new son as Kathryn slept. Looking down to the tiny form in his arms he smiled at the dark tuff of hair that adorned his head, "At least one of my children inherited some of my traits," he chuckled.

"And mine are so bad?" questioned Kathryn sleepily from the bed.

"Not at all," responded Chakotay as he turned to her, "How are you feeling?"

"Tired and sore," said Kathryn as she adjusted the bed so she sat up, "But very happy."

Smiling Chakotay crossed the room, "Look little man," he said, "Mommy's awake."

Reaching out Kathryn took the tiny infant into her arms, "Hey." She whispered, "Daddy can't keep calling you little man."

"And if mommy doesn't want him to," said Chakotay, "We need to give you a name."

"Any ideas?" asked Kathryn.

"You mean I get to name him?" questioned Chakotay.

"I didn't say that," corrected Kathryn, "Daddy need's to stop putting words in mommy's mouth."

"Daddy should have known, mommy, the ever present captain has trouble relenting control," said Chakotay.

"He also has to choose his words carefully if he wants to have a good life," chuckled Kathryn, "Because I can make it hell."

"Alright," laughed Chakotay, stilling a kiss, "We're getting off subject. We're supposed to be naming our child."

"Do you have a name?"

"Well if I had to say one right now, I'd go with Quinton," said Chakotay, "He looks like a Quinn."

Looking thoughtful Kathryn looked down into her son's face, "Quinton Owen Janeway… what do you think?" she asked the infant.

"Owen?" questioned Chakotay.

"He tried to stop me from accepting the mission he had for me when he figured out I was pregnant," said Kathryn softly, "Plus we know he wasn't the bad guy and he's…"

"It's fitting," agreed Chakotay. Before he could continue there was a knock on the door, "Come in," he called.

At that the room was swarmed, Gretchen, Phoebe, Kerin Kyda, Tom, B'Elanna, Harry Seven and the Doctor entered. "Is this a bad time?" questioned B'Elanna.

"Not at all," assured Chakotay, "We just finished giving this little guy a proper name."

"And?" asked Gretchen.

"Quinton Owen Janeway," responded Kathryn.

Tom looked taken aback a moment before he smiled, "Thank you," he said lightly, "That means a lot to me."

"I wanna see my baby!" declared Kyda bringing the attention to her as she tried to scramble up the side of the bed.

"Of course princess," agreed Chakotay as he lifted Kyda then Kerin onto the bed, "This is your baby brother, Quinton."

"Quinn," said Kathryn, shortening the name so her other children had a chance of saying it.

"Quinn?" questioned Kerin, "Can we play?"

"When he get bigger son," chuckled Chakotay, "I'm sure you'll wish he was a baby again when he starts to follow you around."

"No I won't," said Kerin as he looked down on his tiny brother, "Hi Quinn."

"Shh," commanded Kyda, "He's sleeping," pointing to her baby brother she sent a glare to her twin brother before she placed a kiss to Quinton's forehead, "Night, night, baby."

At this everyone chuckled as Chakotay looked to the people on the bed. His family. At that moment he felt as though he were the happiest man in the universe.

….


	17. Epilogue

The spring day was glorious, flowers beginning to grow, birds chirping and the sun shining brightly in the sky. An old, slightly converted farm house in Indiana was beautifully decorated, the entire crew of Voyager milling around the property. Standing in the largest bedroom of the house Kathryn smiled into the mirror she stood in front of.

"Oh, you look beautiful Katie," gushed Gretchen.

"Thank you mom," Kathryn accepted the compliment, "I can believe this day is actually here."

"It is," spoke up Phoebe as she entered the room, "It's time."

Nodding Kathryn turned from the mirror; taking her flower bouquet she followed her sister from the room.

….

Sanding at the alter in the vast back yard of the house Chakotay smiled as Kerin walked down the aisle with a small pillow. After him Kyda and Naomi came, spreading flower petals before B'Elanna followed. The music changed than to the wedding march and Kathryn began down the aisle, arm and arm with her mother.

As they made it to the alter Gretchen offered Kathryn's hand to Chakotay, "So we understand," she said, "I'm not giving her away, simply placing her in your care."

Giving a chuckle Chakotay nodded as he took Kathryn's hand, "Understood," he said simply.

Grinning Kathryn placed a kiss to her mother's cheek, "I love you mom," she said softly.

"And I love you Katie-did."

As Kathryn took her place next to Chakotay the Doctor began the ceremony. Vows were exchanged before rings and they were pronounced husband and wife.

After their walk back down the aisle the reception began. Food served, drinks flowing and a good time for all. Leaning against Chakotay Kathryn gave a contented sigh, "This place is amazing," she said, "Where did you ever find it?"

"I have my ways," responded Chakotay as he wrapped his arms around Kathryn, "So you really like it?"

"I love it," breathed Kathryn.

"Good," said Chakotay, "Because I bought it."

At this Kathryn's eyes went wide, "You bought it?" she questioned.

"Yes, welcome home."

Turning in his arms Kathryn kissed him soundly. Their life was on the right track now. Together they could overcome anything.

….

A/N: Well that's the end. I hope you all enjoyed the story. I gave it a happy ending as so many wish for our beloved command team. Please comment and let me know how I did.

For those who want more of my Janeway/Chakotay fic I have posted the first chapter of a story I have been thinking on for a very long time 'The Fog And The Gray'. I started it nearly a year ago and I have just now gotten around to trying to finish it. Hopefully you will be as intrigued by it as you were by this.

In finishing, I would like to say thank you to the people who commented and let me know I was doing alright with this story. You all are the reason I kept writing to the end or I would have given up around chappy ten or so. So again thank you and I hope you continue to read my fanfiction!

Angie H


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